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Want another child but dh doesnt. how to handle ache for another child?

Many of you answered my previous question and my thoughts on previous question were confirmed. However now a new question arises. If I want a baby and he doesnt how do I deal with the ache for another child. I love my dd and ds but I cant shake this feeling. I know it is unfair to be so selfish when he is being so selfless and working so I can stay home with the kids. I understand where he is coming from. He has so much on his shoulders stress wise. The last time i talked to him about a baby he got ill and told me not to bring it up again. Any advice?

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sahm2kateli

Asked by sahm2kateli at 3:04 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm really sorry you're hurting. Just remember you've been blessed with 2 babies and put all your energy into them.
    hornz102485

    Answer by hornz102485 at 3:05 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I don't recall seeing your other question; is it money worries, then?

    If you REALLY want that baby, you may need to give on something...like getting a job at least part time.

    Otherwise...remember that it is NEVER having what you want that matters. It's wanting what you've GOT. Focus on the children you DO have or they might start getting the idea they're not good enough, you know?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:09 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I deleted the other question. I love my children more than life itself. Financial matters are just part of the equation. We are as comfortable as one can be in this economy (no debt, no medical bills, just basic necessities with few exceptions). The other question was rather anyone would ever intentionally "sabatoge" their chosen birth control method to have another child. The answers i recieved just confirmed what I knew was right but it has crossed my mind (i wouldnt ever follow through with it though.)
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Any way to find a common ground with your hubby on this? Like say, you guys agree that if this is done...then you can try or when the LOs are this age...you can try? Tell him how you feel. Adding another child and agreeing on it it's a big step but marriage is also suppose to be about compromises and doing what you can to make your partner happy, it can't be all about giving in or not giving in at all. good luck and hugs to you!
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 3:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • He is set in his ways and refuses to compromise on this. I guess it is out of my hands and just need to suck it up. I have to get my implanon (rod) taken out next july and then get some other form of bc. I guess if it happens then it happens. if not, oh well.
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 3:38 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • "I love my children more than life itself. "

    Of course. But if you pine for another baby, they will focus on what you're doing rather than what you SAY. They always do.

    Don't be surprised if he decides to get fixed. Indeed, if he is serious about no kids,. he NEEDS to get fixed. Put it to him that way. You wa"nt no more children? I will make you the vasectomy appointment."

    That's usually where the rubber hits the road, you know. They TALK a great game...but he will have to realize that UNLESS he gets fixed, he runs a chance that you will get pregnant again unless you two never have sex again. And if he's willingto go to the no sex extreme, there are problems far beyond agreeing on # of children that need to be dealt with.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:11 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Maybe you can try babysitting an infant. I know it's not the same as having your own baby but it helps me get over that baby urge sometimes to be around someone elses.
    fairyinabubble

    Answer by fairyinabubble at 4:15 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • i wish he would get fixed (if we are truly done) but he is leaving the bc up to me to take care of. it is not enough that i gave him a son (dd was from my first marriage). I told him it was a whole lot simpler and cheaper for him to get cut than it would be me. 1. less recovery time, 2. he has insurance 3. i am sahm so i need to be "with it" after surgery (if it was me who getting fixed) so i can care for kids. Am i being unreasonable?
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 4:16 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • @fairyinabubble I am trying to watch kids to help with income but no luck with finding anyone to keep. ty for the advice to ev1
    sahm2kateli

    Comment by sahm2kateli (original poster) at 4:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • good luck mama. just focus and be grateful for the lil ones you already have
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

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