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how do i fix me?

I know this will cause a lot of bashing but thats a risk.... well in ALL my past relationships except for 1 i have been cheated on, lied to, etc. so now i have been with my hubby for 6 yrs married for 4 and i still can't come to terms to completely trust him! i try everything its just sooo hard! he knows why and just says well im not them and i do understand that im just a little scared to let my full guard down because well all his friends have cheated on their wives as well and their wives stick around and i will not! my hubby want to always go places with them and then it causes a huge fight between us! sometimes worse than others... so what can i do to get over this and tear down the brick wall that has been up for so many years don't get me wrong some of it has been torn down just not all of it like it should be and i don't know what i should do because it really bothers me that its up obviously cause i love him & our DS

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i am with you on these thoughts
    don't take my advise because i say...stay exactly like you are
    when you trust a man, he will always show you why you should not have trusted him
    sorry for the bad advice, I am in sinking boat
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Be confident in yourself. If you want to lose weight, you don't wake up each day and say I am fat. You do something about it and you compliment yourself.

    If you believe he deserves your trust, be confident in yourself. Tell yourself why he deserves your trust. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself that you can survive anything that life hands you. And eventually it will stick.
    urkiddingright

    Answer by urkiddingright at 4:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • first of all has he cheated on you, if no then u been with him 6 years and he has been faithful, u should be over that by now, if u dont stop ur gonna end up looseing him or he is really gonna cheat, I have been cheated on and beat by my ex husband, i was like u when i met my current dh, but after a while i knew he wasent like that and let my gaurd down and i have need been so happy, so stress no worries!
    DeeMarie87

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 4:22 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, the only thing I can think of is to talk to a counselor and they can help you sort through and deal with all that. I'm talking to one myself right now for some of the same reasons. Sorry I can't be anymore help than that, good luck !!
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 4:23 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Honestly, I wouldn't understand why my husband was hanging out with a group of guys like that. Sounds like a sad group to me!
    Sara.Robyson

    Answer by Sara.Robyson at 4:26 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • DeeMarie87: no he has never cheated on me he says that he couldn't because if he did he would have to tell me cause we don't keep secrets. and yes i know it will ruin us and i don't want that cause he is an awesome guy.... my past is super horrible a lot worse than in my original post and goes deeper and is such a long story....

    Sara.Robyson: I really don't understand it either! They all went to school together, grew up together and then the latest person to join the group knows a guy that grew up with the hubby!
    TatymMommi

    Answer by TatymMommi at 4:31 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Its been six years since the two of you have been together and he has not cheated on you, therefore, thats the first step in trusting him...he has friends that have cheated on thier wives but he has not, thats another step in trusting him...you must let go of the dead weight thats affecting your relationship with him or you will drive him away...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 4:58 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I was cheated on in the past too..... and completely trust my husband now. I cannot tell you what it is for you.. but for me, after the last time I refused to be in that situation again. So I picked a better guy the next time... and here are some examples.

    1. My ex was a flirt, "part of his job to be charming for customers".... my husband does not flirt.
    2. My ex would lie about little things that didn't matter.... I don't catch my husband in lies about anything (big or little)
    3. My ex went to strip clubs and conviced me it was a "guy thing".... my husband does not.
    4. My ex's friends all cheated so he did not have anyone telling him it was wrong..... my husband's friends are not cheaters. (only 1 did)

    There are more things, but you get the point. Behaviors go together... if you husband has other questionable behaviors you should be wary. If he does not... then put your guard down and relax.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 7:05 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You poor thing! It seems like you have kind of lost your self. Ask you family doctor for a referral to a therapist to help you find yourself and rebuild your self-esteem
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:29 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • 1st of all you need to build up your self esteem- it starts with SELF. also you need to get over what happened in the past before you sour your good relationship. those guys are not messing up their relationship and losing sleep over what they did to you, so you shouldnt ruin your relationship and lose sleep over what they did to you either. love this man who has been faithful to you for 6 years and move forward
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:42 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

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