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7 Bumps

Help!!! DH issues!!!

So up until this point things have been great or so I thought. My DH has been distracted and seemed/s depressed but nothing we can't deal with, I mean there has been a lot of stress in our lives right now with having to move and get back on our feet and all. . .And then issues with family. . .Blah blah blah. . .but things are ok. . .we are all stressed. And then I find he is thinking about homosexual acts or tendencies. . .I am being supportive, I love him no matter what, but I still feel hurt. . .I am ok with that he thinks he might be gay or bisexual. . . That doesn't change how I feel about him, but it hurts that he didn't come talk to me. . .I had to walk in on an awkward situation to find out. And no not with another man or woman. . .I will support him no matter what he decides but I still feel hurt and heart broken and confused. How would you deal in this situation? Cause right now I just feel heart broken. . . :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I saw your posting and it reminded me alot of my situation. I have been with my husband for many years. About 3 years ago he showed some homosexual tendencies. He was contacting men via the internet and talking dirty to them, I confronted him about it the first time, he said he was joking, just messing with them because he thought it was funny that these men wanted to act like women. It happened again, we worked through it. I got pregnant last year, 4 months into my pregnancy I found some very disturbing messages on his phone. I felt like I was sufficating, I couldn't breathe, I felt my whole world crash. I begged him to be honest with me, to tell me if that is what he wanted. He swore he had not cheated or done anything besides the phone conversations. Well he was using his private email as well. It was like he was fantasizing about this lifestyle. (continued)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Well I dated this guy for a very long time and he had a lot of those homosexual type feelings towards the end of our relationship. I was very hurt by it and eventually he cheated on me with a guy and girl and I was gone. But you cant blame yourself if he does decide he is gay or bisexual. My mom and dad have been divorced for awhile and they were together for 10 years before my dad came out and decided he was gay and that was after 3 kids. My mom took it hard but I know she still loves him. I am sorry if I cant be much help but just hang in there I know what you must be going though right now. Good Luck.
    djanowski775

    Answer by djanowski775 at 4:28 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • i am in your boat, or at least in a boat next to you
    i am not ok with my man having tendencies in this area
    and it makes me feel so less of a woman
    i have one foot out the door
    I can not pretend to have a happy life and i do not want him to be frustrated
    i have asked him to go to therapy, he has agreed but i think he will back out he has said he does not want anyone to talk him out of his interests, or judge him

    i do not want to break up the family, but would rather have it broken up now than down the road

    just want to know the truth, i know if he decides one way i will be hurt beyond measure but it is like a bandaid, i want to rip it off not peel a bit at a time
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:28 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You face the reality of it all and you begin to heal from the heartbreak...but don't think it was anything that you did to make him feel this way or have these tendencies. He trapped you, knowing that he felt this way. He wasn't open and honest with you in the beginning because this didn't happen overnight...but do not allow this to eat up at you because if you do it will destroy you BUT do not allow him to have his cake and eat it too!
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 4:56 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • We cried and talked for hours that day. Finally I told him I deserved an aswer as to why he did this, he told me it was a control thing, he said he was looking at that as a way to control the situation. He felt as though I've always taken control of the relationship. He also told me that when he was younger, his sister came on to him and pretty much that he was messed up in the head, he told me wasn't gay. I discovered things about him I never knew, it made me question if I even knew who I had married, I had spend so much of my life with this man and for the first time I didn't know who he was. I don't think that there is a perfect ending to this situation. I again have decided to work through this with him, I am in love with him, I have a family with him. He says he wants to be with me and has not cheated and after all is said and done, I believe him! .....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Nothing has happened since the birth of our son. he deleted his email account but I still have trust issues. I wonder if he's doing it from work, I wonder if he's with someone when I am out of the house. But he hasn't not done anything since to make me believe he's at it again. I think you and your DH have to have a heart to heart and he needs to be honest with you. In my situation I made it clear to my husband that if that is what he wanted I would let him go because I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to be happy. It would have hurt like hell but it would hurt us more if we stayed together and lived a life that was fake. As of now we are still together and things seem to be going good. I still struggle every day with the whole trust issue, I have forgave him but I have not forgotten. Hugs to you momma, I can sort of relate what you're going through.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Sadly many men do not come out as homosexual until they are older. There is so much negative social stigma with being a gay male that many men get married, have babies and try to make it go away. It doesn't just go away and they have a wife and children and it just gets harder.

    He probably does love you, very much. And you love him. If in his heart he is gay, then you can only be suppotive and send him on his way. You cannot be a "wife" to a guy that wants to be with men. If you have caught him playing with matches already... it is just a matter of time before he plays with fire.

    And do not feel bad... there is nothing you did or didn't do. I would rather a guy leave me for another guy, than for another girl. At least I would know what I didn't have and would not beat myself up over comparing myself to her.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 6:50 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Who knows why people aren't honest about who they truely are, even with themselves. Maybe he didn't know how to tell you. Sometimes the answers we are looking for take time, we can only hold on to the hope that one day the answer will come. I think everyone does the best they can with what life hands them. Others may not handle situations the way we would, so all we can do is try to be understanding. It sounds like there are others who can validate all the emotions you are feeling. Trust is a fine line, be true to yourself.
    wellnessgirl

    Answer by wellnessgirl at 6:54 PM on Jul. 14, 2010