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How do you feel about birth moms choosing the parents that adopt their child

I almost adopted, but felt a little uncomfortable about birth mom having the last say in me being a fit for their child. What about you?


Asked by Godswk at 11:16 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Adoption

Level 9 (282 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I will admit that I felt that way while we were waiting for our first. I was not in a good place emotionally, and the healing didn't begin until our daughter was placed in my arms. I have a close friend who placed a baby for adoption when we were in high school. She got to choose the couple based on non-identifying information. Logically I understood why they do it that way, but it can be hard having to get everyone else's approval. We had to get a physician's reference saying we were fit to be parents, a pastor's reference, three personal references, an employer reference, and the background checks and homestudy.

    It was all worth it to get our kids, though. We did domestic infant adoptions and I know that is a controversial subject, but there were/are circumstances that make me confident that adoption was best for them. We have two open adoptions and I wouldn't want it any other way.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:46 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • That's the beauty of Open Adoption. If you go through a closed adoption you don't have those options, on the other hand YOU as the adoptive parent have no access to the birth parents either - and that can sometimes lead to issues if there are medical issues to deal with. If you don't want the birth parents having a say, do a closed adoption. Personally, I love the idea of Open Adoption. Many women who have to give up their children really do love them, and do want what is best - which is why they are giving them up - and so the idea that they would want a say in who gets to raise their kids is just a basic part of that process...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Look at it from their side your child up is hard as it is, you have to make sure you feel you're giving the most precious gift to the "right" parents.

    Answer by jenae_gist at 11:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I think its absolutely great the birth mom has a say in who she lets adopt her baby. Why did it make you feel uncomfortable?

    Answer by butterfly227 at 11:25 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I think its a great idea, if i was in that position i would wanna choose the perfect family for my child also!

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 11:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I think it's okay. Not every adoption is like that, but I can understand why they want that say in their child's life. I's the last time they'll ever make a decision for them...they're giving all that to another family. So, I don't see anything wrong with it.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I would be happy that the birth mother would have an idea and an influence over who the baby would be placed with. I think open adoption is wonderful so there's no growing up with what if's for the child or for the birth mother, she chose her baby's mother and father and hopefully can rest assured.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:22 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You didn't say why you feel uncomfortable with a mom choosing you, but could you give away your baby to strangers and walk away 'forever'?

    There are avenues available to adoptive parents to NEVER have to deal with the other mother and father (true orphans, baby safe haven babies, and even some international adoptions and closed adoption). As a closed adoption adoptee, I ask that you might respect your adopted childs desire / want / need to know their origins and history from their beginning. Please open your heart and mind to what your adopted child may need someday...knowledge, truth, access to having 2 mothers.
    Please don't erase the other mother from a child.

    Answer by adopteeme at 7:21 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Not trying to be mean but, why would you feel uncomfortable? It's her child, she should be the only one with the say on where and who her baby goes to. Its completly natural and normal fro her to have chosen life for her baby, she should love the people in which the baby will going to.

    Answer by lilsweetpea708 at 9:21 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • LOL I'm lost for words. For God's sake please don't ever adopt.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2010