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why can't i say no to a guy?

I just dont know why i cant say "no" to guys like it is not that i am a slut or anything like that i just feel like when i am in a relationship i have sex to make my boyfriend happy and now that i am not in a relationship i still cant say NO even if dont want to have sex i will end up having sex with them so they are happy is not that i am sleeping with every guy i see i have only had sex with 2 people one i was with and now one that i dont really know what to call us i guess we are like dating ... but has anyone else every had a problem saying no to guys

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • It is a self esteem thing honey. You feel you aren't doing enough to make them happy so you give them what you know will make them happy with you. At least that's what I think was going on with me when I had a phase like this.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Memigen at 10:52 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Yes, I had that problem years ago. Got me into a lot of trouble and I regret it. My problem was I didn't think enough of myself. I am not saying that is your problem, but give it some thought. Your needs should come first. Be good to yourself and ask yourself why you feel this way. Talk to a counselor if you think you should. And birth control is crucial. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I did when I was single-
    after about 2 times of wondering 'why did I do that? I didn't even want to.' I didn't say no, I said yes, I wouldn't say there was any kind of pressure involved.

    I admit that I still have a hard time saying no to my husband sometimes when I don't want to. it's like 'well, I might as well just go with it to relieve his frustration' - such as I figure that I'd rather just go with sex than have to deal with his crankiness.

    my husband is one of the rare guys that would rather hear the truth that he didn't like then be told something to make him happy- thought he often can make it hard.
    I told him the truth, and he would much rather go without than have to wonder if it's something I really wanted.

    would it help if you got some counseling on the subject?
    good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Idk me personally I like the rush of having sex with a new person. I've only been with 6 people, but it's something I enjoy.

    Answer by yezay at 11:00 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • i have had this problem. I agree with the 1st poster. Its kinda like a desperate way of searching for love and acceptance (thats why you don't say no) You like the feeling of closeness. You need to learn to love yourself and stand up and say "no" will feel really good and you will find that there will be that one guy that will totally dig you for that.

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:10 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • you need to say no till ur ready

    Answer by babysexyson at 11:13 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I LOVE saying no to guys. I can only have sex with men that i am really in love with. My vagina will be as dry as the sahara if I'm not head over heels with a guy. He REALLY has to impress me & make me feel like a million bucks before any man will go there.I'm way to pressous to let any guy down there, they have to earn it & wait.

    You can't say no because you are very insecure in yourself & you want men to like you. You are scared that if you say no, they won't like you any more. Well, let me tell you something. REAL men who respect women prefer to have a girl who does not give it up so easily. It says "SLUT" if it's that easy for you to open your legs. Even if you are not a slut, thats what guys think if it's easy to get a girl in bed. Grow some self exteem & learn how to tell a guy that your not ready. And if he ditches you because you won't open your legs, then he is not worth being with. Find a respectful man.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:17 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • * precious


    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:18 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • yes. and a lot of it was self esteem. until i could learn to tell them no i tried my hardest not to let myself be put in a situation to have sex. dont let yourself be alone with them. go out to do things, have friends around, and do not go to his house to "hang out". learn to love yourself then worry about trying to find someone to love.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 11:24 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I have gone through this as well, it could be a couple different things but only you can find the answer and find resolution. The first thing that comes to mind is looking into your past, and you felt as a child, how was your self esteem and self worth. Are you looking for this in the men you're with? Were you a child that was always looking to find your father's approval or make him happy? You could be funneling this by not saying no to the men as well as a subconscious to feel that you can gain approval and therefore feel you are worth something. It could also be a co-dependence you tend do things for others even when you don't want too, just because you want to help the other person or make them happy, so you disregard what's really going on with you...If so that's a sign. I'd suggest counseling if you're really bothered by it, so you can dig deeper into the reasons. Its been a life saver for me.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

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