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Would your feelings be hurt? Or am I just being selfish?


I am not sure this is the best location for htis, but it is about our adoption sort of. So here goes. My best girlfriend said she wanted to throw a shower for me. It would be a toddler shower since our son was 19 months when we got him. We picked a date and I thought things were going fine. Yet I never heard anything about it. Our placement of our son moved faster then expected and I just got busy being a new mommy and felt bad thinking about brining it up.......

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:12 AM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • CONTINUED FROM ABOVE....
    But now it has been a year and I feel hurt and let down. There have been some other issues this past year too, like they feel we closed off towards them once we got our son. I guess maybe we did but we were trying to become a family. IDK, she is currently TTC and I am happy for them, but there is distance between us and I still feel hurt and the thought of being expected to throw her a shower just makes me feel worse. I wish I could say I am looking forward to doing it, but I am not. I don't want to. Am I totally being a brat, or do you think i am justified in feeling the way I do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • well personally i dont think ur bein a brat @ all!!! either way u become a mom ur still a mom! she shouldnt have even said anything if she wasnt goin to follow thru with it! well i dont know how long you have had your son now if it was me when i first got him and she still hadnt had one i would have been like "im not askin u too but i need to know if your goin to bc if ur not goin to have me one some family wants to have me a shower" maybe that would make her think i dunno or maybe she was jealous that u wa gettin ur family and she wanted that so she decided not to have u on! im not really sure the thoughts she was havin but it wasnt fair to you at all!!! if anyone was bein selfish im thinkin it was ur friend! congrats on your son btw!
    jessicamarie22

    Answer by jessicamarie22 at 6:32 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I think your best bet is to have a welcome party for your new little one... Invite everyone!! They will bring gifts :)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I like the previous posters ida. If they are TTC, maybe they will understand how time consuming it is to have a little one and start bonding with you more once you have common ground of the kids. Definately do the shower for them too. That way they know you still care about them.

    My hubby was supposed to have a shower 2 weeks before my dd was due but she came 2 1/2 weeks early. He still had the shower, but only 2 or 3 people showed it. I think they felt like they were in the way if they came since baby was already here. That might be what happened when your little one arrived.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Thank you for the replies.
    I did have others offer. I just directed them to her. I didn't want a bunch of showers, i wanted just one big one. I felt bad I guess since he was an older child. I shouldn't have but I did. I did talk to her about my feelings, I didn't bring up the shower because her response was sort of like it was my fault for pulling away. They didn't understand what we were doing . (we were sort of secluding ourselves, but to try and foster a deep bond with our son, Attachment Parenting)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • CONTINUES FROM ABOVE.....
    I never brought up the shower because I already felt likeshe was saying how selfish I was being and I didn't want to make it worse. I don't know what to do. I have another friend who is actually going into my same situation, adopting a 2 yr old and I am throwing her shower. I am so excited to because I know exactly how they feel. I don't think that she would expect me to throw the shower, but other people will who don't see the break down in the relationship. I'm just sad because at the happiest time of my life, when i thought we would enjoyu my son together I have don't have her. It wasn't suppose to be this way
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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