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How can I teach my 14 year old self control???

She loses it yells and yells, i am so tired of her. No, I will not whip her butt.


Asked by KFree907 at 1:12 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I agree with talk to her like an adult. I would also not encourage an argument with her, if she starts to get out of hand leave the room and tell her when she calms down you'll talk about it, or send her to her room. My kids don't yell at me, they talk back but never yell. Could be learned behavior? I know when my parents sent me to my room it didn't help at all - made it worse.
    When I was teen I would get into complete rages and it wasn't my upbringing- I would simply "loose it" and my fits included anything from yelling at the top of lungs, to saying very hurtful things, to throwing things, cutting up clothes...I mean out of control rages. My parents figured it was being a teen... 30 years later - I found out I'm BiPolar. Keep an eye on the fits depending on how extreme they are. Bipolar is hard to diagnose in teens because you can't tell if its the illness or the age.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:44 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • you could put her in an anger management class because i bet that she would like to learn better ways to deal too.

    Answer by cassie_m at 1:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I think it's probably too late to teach her self-control. I think you will now have to wait until she wants to learn it for herself. You can leave the room or leave the house so you don't have to hear it, but I think you stand little chance of doing anything about it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:15 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • NannyB.

    It is never too late, sorry you feel that way. I know and have faith there is a way too teach her. I have 4 children and she is the oldest, so I need tips on how to make her realize, I am not going to tolerate it.

    From a teen mom or young adult mom, or experienced mom.

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 1:19 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Is it something she's learning from you or DH/SO??? I could be anything from teenage woes to PMS to feeling "misunderstood"...
    I had a friend who would say..."we've never yelled at you, so we expect the same respect".

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 1:19 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Thanks CA girl, but maybe it is something she picked up else where.

    We moved because of the area, and no I am not mean or disrespectful to my kids other wise I would have 4 acting that way.

    I need tips on how to teach my teen not my little ones. OMG< people read the question completely,

    Thank you and have a nice day.


    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 1:23 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Lead by example. Sit back and try and see things from an outside perspective. Do you always keep your cool? How do you control yourself?
    I've taught my 3.5 year old to take big deep breaths hen he's upset to help calm him down. I works really well. I've also noticed that I don't always practice what I preach. He'll actually remind ME to take deep breaths when I'm getting frustrated.

    14 is a tough age. She's going through all sorts of hormonal changes and things are confusing. I remember being 14, I hated it.

    Talk to her like an adult. Most teenagers want to be treated like adults. Tell her that when she has outbursts and yells like that it's like watching a toddler throw a tantrum. If she wants respect and if she wants to be treated like an adult then she'll have to start behaving like one.

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:23 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • by example...and pray...lots of prayer...i have a 14 yr. old...the mouth runs away with her! ugh! i totally understand!

    Answer by Leezah at 1:29 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I'm glad you don't agree that it is too late. It's not.
    You just have to say "Jane, how about we walk away and come back at this later when we're not ready to tear one another's hair out?" .. Come back later and talk it out. If she loses it again say "Alright, we'll come back later with this." Either she accepts the way you're trying to do things or she doesn't, but it's worth a shot. And if you stick to it she'll eventually come around. Let her know that you want to talk things out with her, you want to listen to her, and hear what she has to say, but you're not going to scream it out.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:35 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • i too think it is not too late to teach
    a 14 year old is wanting her independence but not ready to be independent
    part of being 14
    imo-14 is a tough year
    not a child not an adult

    be patient
    and know that kids will live up to what you expect of them (adults too)

    breathe deep, find humor with your husband when she does not see or hear you
    she will find her way, 14 is just super hard in best of situations and with the most balanced kids

    14 is hard!

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2010