Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would your feelings be hurt? Or am I just being selfish?

I am not sure this is the best location for htis, but it is about our adoption sort of. So here goes. My best girlfriend said she wanted to throw a shower for me. It would be a toddler shower since our son was 19 months when we got him. We picked a date and I thought things were going fine. Yet I never heard anything about it. Our placement of our son moved faster then expected and I just got busy being a new mommy and felt bad thinking about brining it up.......

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 AM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
    But now it has been a year and I feel hurt and let down. There have been some other issues this past year too, like they feel we closed off towards them once we got our son. I guess maybe we did but we were trying to become a family. IDK, she is currently TTC and I am happy for them, but there is distance between us and I still feel hurt and the thought of being expected to throw her a shower just makes me feel worse. I wish I could say I am looking forward to doing it, but I am not. I don't want to. Am I totally being a brat, or do you think i am justified in feeling the way I do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I don't think you are being selfish at all. If you were my friend I would completely understand if you were somewhat absent after the arrival of your son. You were adjusting to being a mother of a toddler and getting to know him. You should tell her how you feel, because if she's a real friend she will try to see things from your point of view.

    Answer by mamapotter at 6:42 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • i would be very hurt and pissed off, just because your child didn't come out of you& he's alittle older doesn't make him anyless your son! you had every right to a shower! if it were me,i'ld say i would do her shower--then blow her off,the same way she blew you off. people can be so stupid,is she that insensitive,that she wouldn't realize it would hurt your feelings. maybe when she becomes a mom,she'll get a clue. congrats on your son.

    Answer by pam228 at 8:07 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I think you just need to be honest and upfront with her and see what happens. Tell her that it hurt you that she didn't follow through with the shower. Could be that some of the other people she talked to weren't receptive to the idea and she didn't want to hurt your feelings or some other legitimate reason. Explain to her why you've withdrawn a little. Not everyone understands the bonding time needed for an adopted child. She's been your friend, don't discount her without giving her a chance to explain herself. If things are the way you think, then move on you don't need drama.

    Answer by Kimebs at 8:12 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Maybe she feels left out like you don't have time for her anymore but she needs to understand you have a new son and it takes time to get adjusted to being a family. I would sit down and talk to her.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:50 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • :(

    I think you should talk to her. Hopefully, she will listen with an open heart. I don't think you are being selfish.

    Answer by 21stCenturyMom at 9:25 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I know the feelings of being hurt...... I expected my mom to throw me a baby shower for my 1st child, but she didn't-even though she threw one for my Sister and my ex-SIL, but not me-the Baby of the family....... She didn't throw me one because well, she didn't want to offend some other young mother in the church that she attends..... My MIL threw me one @ the church we used to attend-before we moved-but hardly anyone showed up-it was a super nice day in the 2nd weekend in Dec. of '04-so everone was enjoying the unseasonably warm weather that day! I couldn't blame them but that did hurt too!

    Answer by MR777 at 9:49 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I would talk to her. You deserved a shower, even if your son was older. Of course you withdrew, you weren't only suddenly a mother, you were suddenly the mother of a toddler! I would assume a walking, talking, opinionated little man, who you were trying to get to know. I would say you haven't done anything wrong, and she needs to know this.

    Answer by LiviGracesmom at 10:07 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • It doesn't seem like she was such a great friend to you when she should have been by her side. Shouldn't someone who's friendship she values more throw her a shower? I would be very hurt and probably wouldn't even offer. If she mentions you doing it, just tell her how you feel. Chances are, she will probably realize how hurt you are and let it go.
    Oh.... congrats on your little guy!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • That is hurtful
    Can your family throw you one??
    Congrats on your new addition!!

    Answer by sweet-a-kins at 11:04 AM on Oct. 1, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.