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How do I get over my resentment towards MIL?

While DH and I were dating years ago, she always made negative comments and hurt my feelings, but DH used to say she constantly says things without thinking about them first. I'd begun to ignore those things just for my sanity.

Since LO was born, I've been trying very hard to please her even though I still resent her for negative comments in the past. I often write to her sincerely and close out with "love ya" and such and such.

I still feel like she and I will never be close enough as MIL and DIL as she has a daughter, and they're both extremely close as I am with my mom.

For DH's an LO's sake, I want to put things in the past and be happy but am not sure what else to do. I always feel like there's an ulterior motive when she asks me something or talks to me.

 
mypreciousbabe

Asked by mypreciousbabe at 2:28 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (206 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I gave up. I swallowed my feelings when around her, and I was carefully polite. I watched everything I said and tried to make her feel satisfied. I figured it was only for a few days at a time.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Do not strain yourself for a relationship with MIL she will turn agianst you at a moments notice no matter wnat you do, just try to be cival, if possible
    I will probably get bashed or voted down for my answer but it comes from deep experience from a similar MIL
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 2:33 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • However, as a MIL myself, I would hope that if I said or did something hurtful to my DILs that they would let me know. I want a good relationship with them, and I would never knowingly hurt them. So if I said or did something hurtful or offensive to them, I would want to know so that I could apologize and do better next time.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Honestly, I would talk to her about it. I would tell her some of the things she said to hurt me, and tell her that I was trying really hard to get past it. Put yourself out there a little, she may very well apologize for the past hurts, and make way for a better relationship in the future!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 2:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • My advice is to treat her with respect when you need to be around her. You can send her a card on her birthday or not. She is your husband's mother, and you will never be able to make her love you. Listen to someone who tried for more than 40 years and never got anywhere whatsoever. Just love your husband and be polite when you need to be polite. She won't think any less of you, and you will feel tons better about yourself.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • i know exactly what you mean same here with my MIL . like when she comes to visit i try to smile be nice to her while she ignores me and makes rude comments . i tried ignoring it didnt work now im being a hypocrit becaus i dont want my kids to see anything negative. what i started doing was evrerytime she would critsize my kids or make rude obnxious comments i would tell her can you please stop making judgments about me or my kids. its pretty clear you never liked me or my kids which are her only grandson and grandaugher . if you keep it up ill make sure you dont get to see my kids and i dont want you to come over anymore. since then she stopped and apologized but til this day i still resent her and cant stand her i still hold grudges on her . i just cant forgive her if only you knew all the things she said about my children i could careless abotu what she says about me but dont mess with my kids.. good luck
    mommyof2chasmin

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 2:42 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • That's a tough one. I know exactly where you're coming from though except we live with my MIL. Before my husband and I got married everything was fine but once we got married everything changed. It's okay now but I believe it's only because we gave her a granddaughter. I try to be civil around my MIL for my sake and my husband's but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Have you tried talking to her about how she's hurt your feelings? You could also suggest that she doesn't say anything negative around you, especially to hurt your feelings. Maybe she doesn't know she's doing it or maybe she does but at least that way you let her know how you feel. And if that doesn't work then just try your best to get along with her while she's in your presence. Hopefully it'll just be for a short period of time then you can be with your loving family. I hope things work out. If you wanna talk about it you can email me on here.
    magicbarr

    Answer by magicbarr at 2:47 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

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