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UPDATE : I shouldn't have to pay for my past mistakes any longer... He told me he was ashamed of me and called me a whore.

Ok, if you read my first question, youll know the story. I told my SO to get out, I told him i'd even help him pack and that I wasn't going to allow anyone to treat me like I am some worthless whore, because i'm not. (Luckily my DD is out of town right now and he is not her father) He apologized and said he didn't mean what he said and begged and pleaded for me to change my mind. I told him this situation wasn't healthy anymore and that he would need to make a BIG change if he wanted to work on things, but I shouldn't be treated this way. He said knowing about my past drives him crazy and that he doesn't know how to stop it. Is there anything I can suggest he tries that actually would stop him from thinking/feeling this way? He's probably will not go to counseling. Is this savable, or should I walk away?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I think the best thing you could do would be to get away from him and work on the parts of the relationship that have nothing to do with either of your pasts. See if you like each other for the persons that you are. Leave the physical completely out of it until you know whether he loves you for yourself. If he loves you for yourself, he will probably propse marriage before too very long. At the very least, it will clear your thinking so that you can decide for yourself whether or not this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Couples counselling is the only answer that I see. and if he is not willing to go, then he is not worthy of you.

    Honestly - Either way, I think he is not worthy of you and that you deserve more then he has to offer you.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 2:47 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • he needs counseling
    mommyof2chasmin

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 2:47 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • if he will go to counseling...MAYBE...
    if he won't, then I would say be done with him.
    You deserve someone who loves you the way you are and accepts your past for jsut that- your PAST
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:48 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • He MUST go to counseling or you ARE done. Even with counseling this may not be salvageable. But counseling is NOT an option, it's MANDATORY.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:49 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • ask him...maybe you could try not talking about it, not talking to old friends, maybe putting away yearbooks and old pictures that he would probably find, ...you need to let him know that your past is just that "your past" and how can you move on if he keeps brinkging it up. If you have other people from your past thought who come into your lives and bring it up in front of him...if you want to keep him, i would suggest getting rid of them
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:52 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Counseling or nothing
    NanaR46

    Answer by NanaR46 at 2:53 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • just been done! if he wont go to the moon and back for u then he isnt worth it! the right guy is out there for u it just not him! good luck!
    Caroline2010

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Ask him what makes him so upset about your past...he has a past he should respect yours...if he cannot come to terms with your past he has to let you go...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • He can do Behavioral modification but not sure he's serious enough to do it. The whole concept is when he thinks a negative thought, replace it with a good thought. It takes time and effort but it can be done. Time will tell if he can do it. Tell him that it's mostly called growing up. Ok, maybe you shouldn't tell him that part. It might cause another fight! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:00 PM on Jul. 15, 2010