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2 Bumps

Am I asking too much from her?

Okay, me and my 13 year old have been struggling alot lately because we disagree on how she is dressing, wearing her hair, and applying makeup. Everyday is a struggle and I am getting tired of arguing. Also, I feel as if I am not allowing her to develop her own style. So I came up with a few ground rules, do you think I am asking too much?

1. Shower everyday
2. No eyeliner or excessive eyeshadow
3. Bangs can not be covering eyes
4. No bras showing or cleavage exposed

If she follows these three rules I will not contradict any other "style" she might choose. She is very beautiful and everyone always gives her compliments but she seems to be trying to look too old too fast. Am I doing the right thing?

Answer Question
 
peace1234

Asked by peace1234 at 4:01 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (124 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • No I think hairstyles arent a big deal,and what youre asking is in no way over the top,good luck!
    mommy16love

    Answer by mommy16love at 4:04 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • You are doing the right thing! How about adding something about the shortness of skirts/ dresses/ shorts? The struggle with be worth it. Don't let her say "but everyone is doing this" . Guide her with strict, fair, rules and a lot of love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Thank you. I am starting to feel as if I am going nuts.
    peace1234

    Comment by peace1234 (original poster) at 4:05 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • That seems pretty fair. I went thru a phase at this age where I wanted to express myself thru my unique style and my parents were pretty cool about it overall, but I definitely knew that I wasn't going to be let out of the house in anything too revealing- no short shorts or cleavage revealing shirts, etc. Otherwise, if she wants to wear things you don't care for style-wise I think you just ignore it as getting a reaction from you might just encourage her further. Just set the limits on the things that are really important to you for her safety and dignity and let her find her way from there. Good luck- it's a tough age but I came out ok (although my mother probably had moments where she wondered if that would be the case!).
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:08 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I am in the same boat with you momma, with my 13 year old girl, she's my SD but I have been helping my DH raise her since 2 years old. She's one week with mom then 1 week with us, yesterday she came over to pick something up, she was wearing blush, really dark blush, I got upset I told her not to expect to be able to wear it at our house. She already wears eyeshadow, a pound of mascara, foundation and lip gloss. I wasn't even allowed to wear makeup until I was 16. Another time she came over in a tube top type of shirt, we made her change before we left the house. If her cleavage is showing I make her put a shirt under what she's wearing to cover it. It must be the age, I think you are being more than fair by even compromising with her and still allowing her to have her own style but you have to put your foot down when you feel it's too much so I think you're in the right path. Good luck, I know your pain!

    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:10 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I would cut a little slack as far as bra straps showing as long as it is tastefully done- most of us had a style in our teen years that our mothers thought was terrible.
    other than that, it looks good to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Daily showers aren't good for skin. Americans shower too much. Once or twice a week is all that is needed. I would say no make-up, 13 year olds don't need to be wearing make-up. I would buy the clothes. Not sure about the hair.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:17 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I think what you're doing is a great idea. I have boys so don't run into this too much except my younger not showering, but since he's hit puberty and taking an interest in girls he showers every day, and he's taking better care of his hair - you know like brushing it. :)
    I think its important we pick our battles so expecting or trying to control too much, really takes away from the important stuff. Hair, makeup, cologne (in my case), clothes...those aren't huge issues, I think the boundaries you're setting are good. At 13 I was experiementing with make up all the time, my mother was okay with it, as long is was not over the top when we were going out or to school. Family gatherings it was a free for all for me. When I hit 16 clothes stopped being an issue too, but until then everything had a limit, skirts, shorts, shirts. I think what you've proposed is definitely fair.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:21 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Bangs in your eyes was pretty popular a few years ago. I don't see what's the big issue with it. Don't make it a battlefield. She'll probably change her mind next month anyway if you don't argue about it.

    Cleavage is not acceptable on a 13-year-old. I support this. For another year or two.

    Makeup is not a big deal, to me, but it shouldn't be visible if you're farther than 5-10 feet away. If she's blonde, then a very light blonde or gold eyeliner is okay. If she's brunette, then a light brown eyeliner on the top lid only is okay. If she's dark skinned and black haired, I would say a little black or brown eyeliner couldn't hurt anyone. Although maybe only for special occasions and YOU get to decide if it's too much.

    Showers are good.
    ChaoticGood

    Answer by ChaoticGood at 4:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Sounds fair for a 13yo. Perhaps you could do a MaryKay type thing with her where she can have a coordinated kit of appropriate make-up.

    I won't be allowing make-up until hs at least.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 4:54 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

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