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10 Bumps

Should I try to make my marriage work? adult content

My hubby and I both have abusive pasts. We do not know how to communicate at all. We started marriage counseling 2 weeks ago and so far we have had 2 sessions. Monday night we had a huge fight and I ended up cutting my wrists. It should have gotten stitches, but he refused to take me in (I don't have a car) and told me to super glue it closed. Tuesday, we had our marriage therapy and I started crying. The therapist asked what my hubby can do to let me know he is there and I said to hug me. Well, Wednesday morning we had another fight and everything I said in therapy he made fun of. He told me that my huge "cry fest" just made me look bad. Then, he was like "oh yeah, I am supposed to be hugging you and he gave me a huge..he said that with a nasty sarcasm and the "hug" was making fun of what I need. He has told me everything I say and do is stupid and if I was to ever want to kill myself he wouldn't stop me. He can be good too

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (27)
  • I don't know if you CAN make it work. I'd probably divorce him. Sorry. :(
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • honey, I think your marriage is over! And it's nothing to kill yourself over! Screw marriage counseling - go to counseling for just yourself to learn to handle your emotions & contact a divorce lawyer!
    DarkFaery131

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 4:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • no,go your separate ways
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • You can't have a marriage with only 1 willing person.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 4:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Doesn't sound like you can make it work or should make it work. If anything you need to get help. You babes need you and cutting your wrist is stupid as hell. You could have bleed out and your hubby would have just watched. Doesn't sound like a good husband to me. What if you cut deeper then you attended next time and you die? What about your kids? Get help and worry about yourself more then your marriage. He laughed at you in your time in need and that's a huge sign he doesn't care and you need to leave and/or kick him out.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • He is not willing to work at it if this is what he does when the counseling is over for the week. Please, you do not deserve this. Since couples counseling is not working for him, please get counseling for yourself.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 4:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. I am in a pretty rocky place in my relationship, I won't go into detail but I will tell you until he is ready to take the therapy seriously and put in the real effort it is going to take it is not going to change and it is not going to get better. Your counselor should be able to see if he is not engaging and doing the work. . Our counselor 2 months ago told us to get divorced, but we keep holding on. I think once that was said my husband took this seirously and started going to the therapist on his own (I've been in therapy on my own for 3 years). However it doesn't sound to me your husband really wants this too work, I would suggest a real seperation and to start working on yourself, it sounds as though you have a lot to personal work to do as well, and I can't emphasis enough how much better I feel since I've started therapy. It may be time to let go and work on you for now. Hugs
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:41 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Sweetie, he is being emotionally abusive to you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Get away from him and then go to counseling for you, so you can be whole again.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 4:42 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • If you are so unhappy in your marriage.. It drives you to feel the need to hurt yourself to such extremes..


    It's time to cut your losses and walk away.

    If you are so unhappy with yourself in general that it drives you to harm yourself in such a way.. Ending your marriage will not change that.

    Whether you stay married or not. I would strongly suggest (if you are not already in it) individual counseling.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:42 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Just another quick note - it takes too make this work and right now you are trying to carry this on your own. This will wear you down and make you tired. I know I was doing it too, I started cutting again at the hardest point and pulling out clumps of hair. I had two suicidal episodes where my brother had to come get me off the floor and take my pills away, and another time I couldn't get out of bed and my husband stayed with me for 3 days to make sure I didn't do anything (I was in my own place at that time, just a year ago.). The fact that you cut yourself shows me your getting tired, not to mention your background, I'm actually scared for you. I would suggest seperation and work on you...I had to leave everything including my children to get better.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:44 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

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