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What do you do when...

Your husband has been fired from a job and keeps making excuses as to why he can't get one at the current time? He is going to school full time (which he was managing WHILE he STILL HAD his previous job). We have 3 very young children and one on the way....(already concieved before he lost his job) and his family and my family and church have been helping us with bills, diapers and a few extras for almost a year now.
I'm tired of excuses, i'm tired of living like this, but can't fathom divorcing because of our children. I never wanted that life for them. Do I suck it up and just get a job and support us? Leaving our kids with HIM mind you! He's never fixed breakfast with them....or had to EVER do it alone with all of our kids, let alone a newborn. The ONE time he did, he had a psychotic episode...no joke. It makes me physically ill that it wouldn't bother him to make me work when he's not willing to even try to get a job...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • you said you have church friends helping you? So, I would pray about it, seek cuonsel from your pastor etc. Definintely stick it out in your marriage. Talk to your husband about the options you both have and seek marriage counseling or something, work as a team and come up with a solution together. I strongly feel that moms need to be at home with their kids, especially babies, although that can be hard to do, Pray about it, sorry your having a hard time right now.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 8:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • One- I am sorry you can't trust your DH with his own kids. ONE of you should get a job. I assume your income is his unemployment? It may not be a bad idea for you to get a job, then you'll have his unem. and a paycheck for you. Of course if you really don't think he can care for the kids, then I am not sure what you should do.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 8:34 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • It couldn't hurt to apply and go on a few interviews. Maybe just the time alone with the kids while you go on your job hunt will be enough for him to realize that he is not ready to be the primary care giver for the whole family and will prompt him to resume his job search more seriously.

    What is he going to school for? Will it make him more employable when he's finished? Maybe it's a good idea for you to work for a little while so that he can finish up his education.

    If it were me, I'd go to my mother and tell her all about how frustrating it is. In my years I've learned that I should listen to my mother a lot more than I used to when I was younger.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:35 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • My husband was the same way for about 3 years although he wasn't in school he'd just take off 8 months of the year, and go play with his friends. I work full time, and he was never home, never picked up the kids from school, never fed them, never helped with the house...unfortunately I finally cracked and just up and moved out - on my own leaving my kids and everything. I figured he could grow up and figure it out on his own. Now I would totally not recommend this, if I had it to do over I would have sat down with him and tried to figure out a plan. I would have told him how frustrated and alone I felt and I would have worked out through it. I agree I think its time for a good talk and to make some serious decisions, maybe you can both get a part-time job with opposite hours in the interim until he feels he can work full-time, maybe he can stop taking so many classes and go part time...Good Luck.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 8:48 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • You need to get a job and make him suck it up and be a father. That's no way to live and I'm so sorry that you're going through that. He'll feel like shit after a while of seeing you out busting your ass to make ends meet while he sits at home wallowing in his bullshit excuses.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 9:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I'm seriously lost in all of this. I don't know what to do, who to go to...etc.Help...please...i'm drowning!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:30 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I appreciate everyone's support and advice. I just feel so used when he isn't willing to put forth any effort. It is so discouraging. I don't mind getting a job, and I have looked, applied and looked and applied some more! The one job that would contact me back fell through because she went out of business! I've been unemployed for 4 years....so I can imagine i'm not so marketable anymore. But I continue to look.
    My husband is going to school to be a nurse, and he's been accepted to start at the community college for his RN (Associates) and now he's reconsidering going to a private school, but it will take ANOTHER YEAR for him to even START that program IF he can get into it.
    I've talked to him, pleaded with him, ignored him, faught with him, leveled with him....everything I can think of.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:43 PM on Jul. 15, 2010