Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What can i do about stress and everthing else ?

I HAVE A ALL MOST FIVE YR OLD GIRL AND DEALING WITH MY SERATION IS ALSO VERY HARD FOR ME AND I AM DOING EVERTHING MY SELF AND IT IS HARD WHERE MY DAUGHTER TELLS ME NO A LOT OF THE TIME WHEN I SAY TO HER DO SOMETHING SHE SPEAKES UP RIGHT A WAY AND TELLS ME NO SO THAT IS WHY I HAVE A LOT OF STRESS AND NEED TO FIND WAYS OR IDEA ON DIFFERENT WAY TO KEEP BETTER MOM AND TRY TO GET MY MARRIAGE BACK TOGETHER

Answer Question
 
tanyamac

Asked by tanyamac at 8:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • You need to be the parent and enforce what say. When my kids were little and I asked them to pick up toys or put clothes away or something and they said, I would physically make them do it if talking about didn't work...I would carry them and move their arms and open their hands and have them pick it up and then walk them to where ever it went and make them put it away. A few times of that and they knew I was serious when I said to do something. They are 12 & 15 and I don't have any problem when I tell them to do something, they may not do it right that minute but they will tell me when it will be done and they do it when they say. Others may not agree, but it worked for me. As far as your marriage without knowing what's going on its hard to give advice, but couples counseling maybe an option.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 8:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Counseling could help your marriage

    For discipline, be firm and consistent. Remember that you are the one in charge, not the child. If she says no, then you don't tolerate it, you take immediate action. Either the time out corner, or stopping something that you are doing that she likes- for example, if you tell her to change into something nicer to go out to eat, and she says no, then you calmly cancel the plans and let her eat peanut butter. Keep in charge. Don't be afraid of tears and tantrums. Since your marriage is in trouble, it is possible that she is acting up since she doesn't know how else to behave. Continually tell her that you love her and that she is not the reason for the marriage problems.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • You are feeling stress, want to be a better mom, and get your marriage back together. There are lots of web sites devoted to stress management that can give you good ideas. If you can find a public and a private stress reduction method that works for you then that may be all you need. For me my private method is meditation and my public method is deep breathing. Using deep breathing is very easy to learn, you may have learned it in childbirth classes.


    The book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen might be a good start with your daughter. STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) classes may be available in your community. PET is also good.


    Don't know what to say about your marriage. You may need to accept its over.  

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 9:03 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • thank you for your input my marriage may be back together but it was is doing and i do think that is some part of my daughter actions when she see her daddy it is very different the mood changes and when he leave it go back to where it was i have also started to take things from her but she also has a big sister whom is my step daughter and she is about 12 yrs old so there is a onther one lol
    tanyamac

    Comment by tanyamac (original poster) at 9:09 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • First remember that your child is stressed now too, w/ the separation, so that is probably why she's acting up. Show her a lot of love and asure her you guys world is not ending, just a new chapter is starting. Be willing to listen and tell her you are always gonna be there if she has questions.


    Be firm w/ her and follow thru on punishments (like if you have told her that next time she talks back you will take away her tv-time/toy/ground her or whatever your punishments are, and then DO it the minute she breaks the rule.) That will not only better her behavior, but also give her some much needed stability in her life.


    As for your stress, exercise is a good way to releave it. If you're not the work-out freak, maybe go for a 30 min. walk. And hang in there.

    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 9:27 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.