Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Seeking Help - His clock is ticking

I hope this community can help point me in the right direction.
I am in a very committed relationship with a a wonderful man. He is 45 and his biological clock is ticking. I am unable to have children and understand at a very personal level how important this is to him.
He is not interested in adopting or surrogacy. We are however looking to find a healthy, balanced, stable woman that also really wants to have and love her own child before her biological clock expires. His ideal would be to have once yearly contact with the biological mother for exchange of stories and pictures, and is content to let the mother raise the child as she so chooses.
From a legacy perspective, what is most important to him is to know that part of him lives on.
I hesitate to post given this day and age, but am looking for a truly geniune person to connect with or direction to an approp community. Anonymous for now in Seattle.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jul. 15, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (10)
  • He wants a baby that he has really no part in its life? Sorry...but thats selfish on his part.

    Answer by Cochise at 9:06 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • why doesn't he just donate to a sperm bank then? if he's just interested in passing on his genes and not being a father. and just so you know, men are not the same as women.... their sperm quality doesn't decline as rapidly. most of the sperm is manufactured fresh, whereas the egg is formed since birth. that is why it is not uncommon for men to have children in their 80's (with a young woman of course).

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:06 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • In response to Chochise, yes, he wanted a baby with me to raise as a family, and I am greatly saddened that my clock has expired. Sure, he is willing to be more involved than once a year, but at a minimum this is what he's hoping for.

    And Princess thanks, we thought of a sperm bank too, but donations do have a shelf life, and not all women elect or want to notify the donor, so who know if/when a man's legacy is out there.... and i understand that on both sides.

    Answer by anonymous900 at 9:18 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • but did you go to the sperm bank and see if they have an option like that? it would be sort of like an open adoption situation. and just so you two know.... a man's legacy has nothing to do with his genes. it's how he has changed the world. so how he raised a child would be his legacy, not what genetic material he contributed to him/her.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:24 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • The only thing I can think of is a personal ad in the paper. But how would you be sure the child is his? Paternity test? Are you paying for the woman to be artificially inseminated? Is he going to pay to help support this child he'd like to carry on his legacy? If he isn't interested in surrogacy I think he's probably out of luck. With so many unplanned pregnancies I can't really imagine someone saying. Yeah, I want to have your baby and raise it alone. Celebrities and people of alternative lifestyles adopt and use surrogates but they use official agencies.

    Answer by karischub at 9:24 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Why not do invitro with a donor egg and is sperm? That way you can have a baby and raise it together that will carry on his DNA.

    Answer by desert_diva at 9:33 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • his sperm...

    sorry sticky 'h' key and I don't always catch it.

    Answer by desert_diva at 9:33 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • I have not checked that option at the sperm bank, but will do that. I completely understand what you are saying about a man's legacy especially from a woman's perspective, believe me. He and I have had many lengthy discussions on this and it is a very complex topic, but I do understand where he's coming from, and love and suppport him in it.

    An ad in the paper goes to the world. Our hope was to direct the ask to a community board on this topic and hope for the best. I do believe there are women out there that are in his position and want the same thing, only from the other side. At least that is my hope.

    Answer by anonymous900 at 9:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Thanks Desert Diva, i would love to, and we would have done that already, but I had an emergency hysterectomy 5 years ago.

    Answer by anonymous900 at 9:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • Oh...sorry to hear that. I hope you two find someone lovely that will help. Honestly, being in Seattle I think you'd have a great chance of finding someone there. It does tend to be a lot more open-minded than most places. I don't doubt there'd be a much higher chance of finding a woman there than just about anywhere.

    Answer by desert_diva at 9:43 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.