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4 Bumps

How would you handle the double standard situation?

When I first signed up for facebook, I added a old high school boyfriend, first let me explain that it was just a in-school boyfriend, we never saw each outside of school so you can't even say we were dating...
Anyway, my husband of 11 yrs got bent out of shape and demanded that I delete him or he will. To save arguement, I deleted him and that was that-
Now this last month my husband has been messaging his old girlfriend, someone who we have had issues since we were together. When we were dating, they were spotted together, in the begining of our relationship it was he was w/ me, he was w/ her kinda thing. In the first 5 yrs of marriage, he's been in contact w/ her by phone many times and such. (never any in person contact) He has now added her as a friend and this really upsets me, I asked him to delete her and it's a huge fight, he says theres nothing wrong with it...
How would you handle this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:48 AM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Id be pissed!
    I would assume the worst.

    Readd your male friend.

    *hugs*
    I can't stand double standards.
    ToriBabe1221

    Answer by ToriBabe1221 at 6:51 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I'm passive agressive. I think i would add my ex back on and if my SO said something I would say "Oh, I thought you changed your mind since you add X".
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:52 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I would ask him to delete her or I will. I would ignore any rationalizations or justifications otherwise. Remind him that "what's good for the goose also applies to the gander." Men always have a problem when there's another rooster in the hen house but never when he's the only rooster.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 6:53 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I think that there's more going on, or that he WISHES there was more going on than friends, and, because he knows how HE feels about his situation, that's why he got mad at you. Because he can't believe that you aren't doing / going to do / want to do the same thing that he's doing / going to do / want to do with her.

    It truly sounds like the perfect example of when a cheater is so paranoid that they can't believe their partner isn't also cheating.

    I think you have a lot of issues here with your dh that needs to be addressed. Point out that this woman has been a CURRENT problem to your marriage. The guy was just a friend - then ask why he is SO determined to keep this woman on there, even though it bothers you - like HER feelings are more important than YOURS. Also, point out that if HE can keep her on there, then YOU will be adding your friend back on...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:55 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Your dh got mad about your non bf because he has something to hide. Usually guilty people overreact to other people doing things because they themselves have crossed a line. His reaction about your high school friend was really about him feeling guilty about what he's been up to.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:56 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Even if I deleted her off his account, he could still make contact w/ her by private messages- this time he'd be more careful and delete all history and I wouldn't know it- although it's always going to be in teh back of my head.
    It doesn't even bother me not having my ex on my friends list- I don't really care to add him back on.
    I have even thought of adding his ex to my friends list- I knew her too- I went to school w/ her and we were friends once, lol.
    cuteasabutton78

    Answer by cuteasabutton78 at 6:57 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • He is defiantly up to something if he would go to those lengths to stay in contact after you have made your wishes clear.
    ToriBabe1221

    Answer by ToriBabe1221 at 6:59 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I would point out that he demanded you delete an old friend and that he should do the same out of respect for you and your relationship and that he should also cut off ALL contact with her. I would also inform him that if he does not do so then he has no right to tell you who you can friend on FB. Be calm with him treat it in a business like manner. Tell him he has 24 hours to drop her.
    Personally I am thinking he is hiding something. I have learned that those who accuse over little things are usually doing the big they they are accusing others of doing
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 7:29 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Anytime anyone wants to force you to do something you don't want to do in order to keep THEM happy, they only want control over you. You should have never removed your hs friend just because your husband wanted you to do it. And now HE is doing the same thing with someone you know he had a more mature relationship with?? And HE refuses to do what he forced you to do?? What next, he gets to say you're crazy for thinking he's messing around??

    Honey, remind him how expensive it will be for him if you divorce him. Then ask him does he know which side of his bread is buttered and by whom. Then tell him what is good for the goose is good for the gander and quote him 'if you don't remove her I WILL!" Then you both need to seek some sort of marriage counseling. Go by yourself if he refuses because there are issues of trust there that need to be mended.

    Good luck!!
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 8:11 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • oh hell no! you had to delete your old bf! i get very childish when i mad i would tell him to go marry that b*** then!
    megan1089

    Answer by megan1089 at 8:30 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

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