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How do you improve your self-esteem? I feel really bad about myself lately...

I have been feeling really bad about myself for a while now. It all started a few months ago when I found out my SO wouldn't have sex with me because he pleased himself to porn instead. Then I gained 10 pounds (stress induced I think) and now with all the problems my SO and I have been having, we rarely touch eachother. When I try to, its just awkward, I ask him to shower with me and he won't anymore. I go to bed alone a lot. My lack of self esteem is causing a lot of our current problems, i'm worried he is seeing other women because i'm not enough for him, or I worry that he finds me disgusting, and these things really take a toll on me and my relationship. How do I improve my self esteem? SO and I have only been together for a year.


Asked by allfiller at 11:55 AM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Years ago. This is what worked for me.

    1 Took a good long hard honest look at and into myself. Took a good inventory of all the things that I was unhappy with or found "wrong" with me. Not easy to do, pretty much sucked. But  being honest with myself was the best start.

    2From my inventory. I looked at  the things that I and only I have control over and only I can change. And I looked at the things that are beyond my control and can't change.

    3 The things that I alone have control over, I figured out what changes I could make to them that would make me feel better about me. And I began working on changing those things.  The things beyond my control. I learned that I must love and accept about myself, because they are ME, they are a part of ME. They help make me who I am.

    Cont. below..........

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • i am in same boat, except i have lost weight because when i am upset, i can not eat or sleep
    otherwise, i could have wrote this post, and maybe changed the seeing other women to possible seeing other "people"
    and we have been together for five years, but i hear you, i feel your pain
    having a porn addiction is not healthy in a relationship, internet is not a real life

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:59 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • as for self esteem, this is kind of sad, but when i go out on errands, i notice when men look at me and i smile back, i know i still "have it" and this makes me feel better because men look, but sad because husband does not

    on this issue in my life- it is a work in progress

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • *hugs*
    I get in moods where I'm like that too.

    I got the best body image boost by going to the water park with the kids though ;o) LOL Sure you'll see better, but you will also see much worse than yourself there!


    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 12:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Look at yourself objectively and tell yourself why you are such an amazing person and then realize that you deserve better than someone like that!

    Answer by yezay at 12:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • First if is cheating he would it with anyone, it is not about you!

    Now go shopping get something nice, get you hair done and stop gaining weight that not good for you. Have a long talk and tell him this stops now or he has to go. Do Not Let go for another year.

    My friend gain 100pounds because her jerk kept cheating, now that he left she has to lose the weight and it has been hard.

    Answer by gammie at 12:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I also learned that I transferred ALOT of my feelings about myself onto my husband. I believed that if I didn't think I was attractive any longer, if I didn't feel sexy any more, if I wouldn't want to touch me.. Then he MUST feel the same way. So I pushed him away. I drove a wedge between us. Low and behold, my husband NEVER felt any of those things. It was all me. I was pushing my bad feelings & thoughts, my low self esteem onto him, and holding him responsible for it. Truth was. It was all me. Wasn't him at all.

    In the end. Learning how to love and accept myself. The good, the bad, the ugly, and just me was integral. If I couldn't love me for me. I could I expect someone else to. If I couldn't see, love and accept my own beauty, my own uniqueness, my own sexuality. How could I expect someone else to. Loving me has to come first and foremost. The love of others, follows that.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:07 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • to just answer the question about how to feel better, here's what I did.
    it came from Saturday night live, and I started it as a joke, but it really did work.
    Looked in the mirror and thought of something I wanted to do, told my self I could because
    "I'm good enough! I'm smart enough! and gosh darn it people like me!"

    Then I started sewing again so I'd have pretty clothes that fit. when i was able to do those projects it felt good.
    then I pulled out the richard simmons dvds. not only did I get exercise, but I felt better., and he makes me laugh!

    I think that maybe you should concentrate on you, and not worry so much about the hubby right now.
    my husband found my new attitude refreshing and loved that I was concentrating on myself.
    give it a try, just might work!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:49 PM on Jul. 16, 2010