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My boyfriend/Baby Daddy of my two kids doesn't work and has a temper, When do u say enough is enough?

I've been trying to get over him, but he keeps saying that he will change, and i keep taking him back. When we have disagreements, he doesn't know how to talk right he yells and I don't want my kids seeing this. But he turns around and tells me that i'm doing more harm by leaving him. Bc the kids are going to miss him. He also doesn't work, when he gets money he does buy the kids things. I'm so confused. Hes good with the kids, but i feel that our relationship and love has died down. Is there hope or should i move on?
Help Ladies Please!!!

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phoenixjuelz

Asked by phoenixjuelz at 1:14 PM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (140 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Move on sweetie! I HAD to leave my kids' dad and my first love (8 years) because he was a repetitive cheater.. he always said he would change, but he never did. He never had a job either & never helped me with the kids.. About 2 years later, he's got a new girl, baby on the way, no job & still a cheater..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Right now. Enough is enough. You're so right, you can't have your children raised in that situation.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 1:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • honey, after 6 years of marriage let me tell you.. Ditch the ZERO and be a HERO to your kids. If he wont change after two kids, he never will and if he does it won't be for YEARS. get out while the getting is good and before your children think what he is doing is okay.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 1:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Enough is enough just by your headline!!! Temper and no job? Adios amigo!! You can do better.....MUCH better!! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 1:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • My personal belief is this.
    It's far more damaging and difficult for children to live in an unhappy home, a home where the parents fight and are unhappy. Thatn it is living in what is termed a "broken" home.

    He can say he's going to change until the cows come home. But if he doesn't want to, and doesn't take actions to do so. He will not change. Period. A person can change. But ONLY if they want to.

    A relationship can only work. If both people in that relationship want to put in the time and the effort to make it work. One person can not float a relationship and it be a good/healthy relationship. Or that person be happy.

    If you have reached a level that: He makes you cry more than laugh.. he makes you angry more than he makes you happy...he's contributions to the relationship are more detrimental than postive.....he's more of a hinderance than a help... Then I personally would cut my losses and walk away.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:20 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • you don't have to look for a reason in my book. If a man is mistreating you, and is trying to manipulate you into staying (I speak from experience on this! ) and you don't want him anymore, then I say end the relationship.

    you can do it, you are worth being happy!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:20 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Oh yeah......... Also my personal feeling is.

    Staying "for the kids"........ Is not a good reason at all to stay in a relationship. I feel it's one of the worst excuses to stay in a bad relationship. Not good for the two people in the relatioship or for the chilren in the long run.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:21 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I don't think there is much hope unless you get some counseling. There are churches you can go to, hospitals for recommendations, etc. He may have been raised in a home where there was a lot of yelling and fighting. If so, that is what he learned. It can be unlearned. It is very stressful, and unhealthy, for children to grow up in this kind of environment. And they will learn to believe it is normal and the chain will never be broken. They will be aggressive with other children, etc, etc. I hope you can get help. But if it doesn't work then you walk away knowing you tried your best and did what was best for you and the children. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:22 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Thank You! It's so hard, I've been with him for 8 years on and off. I've kicked him out repeated times and I think I have to much hope. I'm not blind bc I see that it's not healthy, everyday i'm stressed out from the moment I open my eyes till' I close them. I guess I just wished I had that happy ending bc I do Love him, I'm just not In Love. @SuperrMommyy how did you do it, and stay strong and not go back. I so love this website, I justed joined two days ago. But I Love the support, and the advice from all the moms here. Thank u
    phoenixjuelz

    Comment by phoenixjuelz (original poster) at 1:24 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes........ It doesn't matter how much we love someone, how much we want to be loved by that person, or how much we hope and dream for a "happy ending"..

    At some point. Self preservation for oneself has to kick in. And when a relationship is detrimental, and causes us more harm than good . Whether that be emotionally, mentally or physically. That self preservation needs to kick in.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:27 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

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