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2 Bumps

You make it sound so easy.....

I see tons of post on here and even responses to mine that we need to leave our man. It sounds so much easier then it really is. I have no family willing to take care of me or help me. I live over 1000 miles away from them anyways. No money to my name, 3+ yrs of being out of work. People say go live in a shelter. And loose my children? If I did leave my husband and went to live in a shelter my MIL (who works for the court system) would hear a word of it and make sure she gets custody or my husband does since that's no place for children to be. My in laws are crazy and shouldn't be trusted with my kids and my hubby is the same way. He cant even handle a full day alone with them. He's very short tempered. My point is it's not as easy as people say it is. Do why do some of you still look down on the women in these types of situations?


Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 2:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • it isnt easy but it can be done. i have been in your situation. and i got out. it took planning and saving....and my family too lived half way across the country. but i buckled down and decided to put my kids safety and best inerests first. no it is not easy at all starting all over from scratch with 2 kid an infant at the time and 3 year old. but i did it. with in 2 weeks i had a job i worked my butt off and with in 3 months i had a cheap car then by the time 5 months had passed the kids and i had our own place. it isnt nothing fancy but it is safe and it is ours. it has been 2 1/2 years since i left. i am happier and most importantly the kids are happy and safe. when there is a will there is a way honey. if i can do it you can do it. just push thru the fear of the "what ifs" and look to the light at the end of the tunnle at the "what will be" YOU CAN DO IT! you are a strong woman.

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 3:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • If leaving is the answer, for either SO, it will be one of the hardest things he/she will ever have to do. If someone's safety or sanity is at risk they should look at all options avaialble to get out of the situation. They deserve to be safe and happy. Their children deserve the same.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Actually, you might want to contact your local women's shelter. There are lots of resources available--from job assistance to low cost housing and rent assistance, daycare, etc etc. Unless you're abusing your kids and doing drugs, virtually zero court would remove children from the mother. If you're in a situation where there's abuse, you really should get out. There is help out there. If it's just a matter of being unhappy, start taking steps to get a job, save some money and get out. It can be done. Is it easy? No. Most things in life worth anything at all are not easy.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 3:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I was always raised to make sure I could support myself if I ever needed to. BUT, I DO NOT tell others to leave their man. I wouldn't want to be told that. :( If I need to leave him then I'd be smart enough to know... I wouldn't need tons of women who are so darn perfect to tell me that.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • it is easier than it seems, there are TONS of programs out there to help you leave. when i left ex-DH it cost us $300 to move into our current apartment (no, we aren't in the ghetto). Cricket phone service is a month by month phone plan so if you can't afford it you can shut it off without a stupid contract and fees up the bum.

    leaving him is only hard if you look for excuses to make it hard.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 3:04 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • One wonders how you got to this point, but I doubt anyone thinks its "easy" but maybe start today, taking change and saving it, or taking a couple dollars here and there from hubby without him knowing and stash it away until you have enough to leave, look in to assistance from the state - make some calls on what your options are.. talk to the police - get all your options then start saving.. I am sure it is easier for some than others.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Besides if HE is the problem HE should be the one leaving...not you!

    Answer by ABusyBee at 2:59 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Sorry you are going through a rough time! I don't think it's easy to leave a relationship at all. Especially when there are children involved. Can you check with your local job resource center about transitioning back to work? There are usually programs to help homemakers transition back into the working world and they can even help you get short term childcare while you search for employment.
    Good luck to you!!

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 3:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • ??
    am i losing what is left of my mind.... i think i wrote this question

    same boat

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I don't know what your situation is with your husband, but if there is abuse leaving and seeking a safe place for yourself and your children is the only answer. I know it's hard. I won't pretend it's easy, because it's not. It was absolutely the hardest thing I ever had to do.

    I do know the types of responses you are talking about though, and I suspect the women posting them have never been in a similar situation.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 3:10 PM on Jul. 16, 2010