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2 Bumps

How do I get him to hold me just because? adult content

My man won't hold me unless it's right after sex! I don't mean just once in a while I mean each and EVERY time! He expects me told hold him every night, but has a fit if I want/ need/ask him to hold me. I have found telling him doesn't help so on the nights I really need to be held, I just don't sleep, I get up and go lay on the couch after he's asleep, he usually comes looking for me a few hours later, but it doesn't change things!! He still rolls on his side with his back to me, and wants me to wrap my arm around him. So after I go back to bed to passify him, i usually get back up once he's asleep again and go back to the couch and what ever show I was watching!! I just don't know if it's even worth the effort anymore to try and convince him that I need to be held!! I am not one of these hold ME every night people, I usually just need to be held 1 or 2 nights a month!! Anyone else's s/o like this? If so how do u cope?

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Alwaysacarnie

Asked by Alwaysacarnie at 5:56 PM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (282 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • omgosh I'm so sorry, my hubby use to do this and I started sleeping on his side of the bed, he'd claim he liked facing that way so I'd lay there but then he'd turn the other way, yeah it sucked He bought me a boyfriend pillow which is a pillow that has an arm and you can cuddle with, It was amazing. and very comfortable. Now I'm pregnant and have a huge maternity pillow so I feel cuddle all the time. Some men just don;t like to cuddle but want to be cuddled. I just accepted it. I hope things get better.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 6:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Me too... But it is just plain old selfishness! I have learned to accept it, and when he wants me to cuddle him, I kindly tell him I don't want to be touched and let him throw a fit. When he does, I remind him of how he treats me... But I have gotten over it. My kids give me the cuddles I need w/o me asking...
    believejohn316

    Answer by believejohn316 at 6:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • that is normal male selfish behavior . Just keep being good to your self, like don't forget that you aren't crazy . ( he make you think that you are supposed to comply to every whim, what of that/?? If it's just like you aren't comparably on his page each every night like a repeat movie, he is a schedule perfectionist. I lay bets that he is always setting a clock too. Just saying this sweetie due to I knowing I can awake whenever i want to and when mostly shift work people are into their schedules they lay that action onto all those facets of what is in their path. He's still normal, just they don't have time to prove or produce the kind of answers we do due to they feel entitled. It's not worth the frustration, I just chose to sleep on the couch with mine also, whatever he did about it was his choice, you can't change people. ( very much more peace if we gals just stay our independent selves, ) leave them to
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:04 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • their obvious train track minds. like by-by I've got a life... Babies!!!!
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:07 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Hmmmm first let me say i am sorry to hear this is happening to you. Second i suggest you turn the table if it was me well he may expect it but he will not get it.Turn that around imo do not give him what you need /want as well you are making him happy but what about him making you happy?
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 6:11 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • When you explain to him the reasons why you need to be held.. How does he respond?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Thanks ladies for your replies. Pixie to answer your question He responds with oh well you know I prefer my left side over my right, and basically blows me off! I get so frustrated with this that I spend those nights on the couch just bawling. If I didn't love him and if I didn't really feel that there was magic between us, I'd consider leaving. But I do feel that magic, and that spark. Seeing him even walk into a room, turns my hormones on and into OVERDRIVE! We have lived together a year as of the 15th of july, and I was just kinda feeling baa hum bug today thinking how I could of used his arms to just to hold me!! So I know that theres hope we can make it through this. I thought maybe I was being to picky, but now see that I'm not! I just gotta dig out my big girl undies and tuff it out! LOL!
    Alwaysacarnie

    Comment by Alwaysacarnie (original poster) at 6:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Okay.. May I ask ..
    How are explaining to him that you need to be held and your "why's"..... Is if for your comfort. Is it for security. etc.

    And if it is for something other than just comfort, (I'm sure you have, but I'll ask just in case) have you explained why that's a need, how it makes you feel not having that need fulfilled and why it makes you feel better to have it fulfilled.

    There seems to be some "need" that you need. And the being held really isn't the need. But it almost seems like it acts as a substitute based on how your are responding. Especially with the crying, going to the couch.Etc. The really to me seem like there is something else missing somewhere either in your relationship with him or with yourself. And the being held is something that makes you feel better so it's like compensation for what's really missing.

    I could also be way off base as well. I'm just sharing what's coming across to me
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • My boyfriend isn't like this at all and is more giving than anyone I have ever met..so I wouldn't call it typical male behaviour.

    If it was me I would talk to him and make him realize that he isn't the only one who needs comfort. I would ask him too. If he still didn't do it I would probably have to leave. I couldn't accept it and wouldn't be satisfied in a relationship like that.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 7:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I've been in your shoes and sleeping on the couch and crying won't get you what you need. I would suggest that you bring this up in the light of day when all is well between you both. Tell him how you feel and then also hear him out too. My husband likes to be close but can't sleep with someone in his face. I like to be held. So we have compromised. When we first lay down we hug. Then he turns over. He will hold my hand as I fall asleep. It is very comforting feeling his hand in mine. And he gets to sleep faced away from me. It's all about finding the middle ground. Just talk it out and try to accomodate him so he might be motivated to accomodate you. I don't believe in with holding to get what you want. With holding always got me less of what I really want. A happy relationship.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:50 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

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