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my 19 year old daughter insist on seeing a 30 year old boyfriend adult content

with a criminal record whom doesn`t have a job and basically is using her ofr her income.........she had been sneeking behind our backs for almost 6 months to see him when i found out I asked her to leave our home.......was this unfair of me? she is angry because we won`t accept him as her boyfriend....... i miss her and was recently informed that she is in love with the looser and may be moving this is so so upsetting any opinons?

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compassioninny

Asked by compassioninny at 10:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Since she is a legal adult there is not much you can do about it. All you can really do is accept it and love her.
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 10:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • you don't have to like who she's going out with, but as long as she's helping out around the house, coming in at the time that's appropriate to your home and doing something productive with her life like going to school and working you can't say much. I would also put up that he is NOT allowed over to your home.
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 10:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Tell her you are sorry and love her and want her to stay. Mom hating a boyfriend is a great reason to stick with him
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:04 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I feel as if you should accept whatever your daughter does... Unless it is like having sex for money and all that crap. But seeing someone who she is in love with shouldn't be something you shouldn't accept. JMO. Does he hit her? Verbally abuse her? I mean... Maybe he is trying to not be a loser and is trying his best.. We will never know... Just accept your daughters decision to be with someone who makes her happy... That's what I would do.
    Michele068

    Answer by Michele068 at 10:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • there's really nothing you can do. she's legally an adult..which means she's legally responsible for her own actions/decisions. if this is a mistake, and he uses her then tosses her out, she'll hopefully learn a lesson, and be on the road back home. (if that's where she chooses to go.) what you need to do is be there for her..you can tactfully tell your concerns, and make her understand you love her and want the best for her. however, if he's bad news, you need to watch your back, too. be careful loaning out money..she'll surely need it at some point. use your best judgement, and stick to it. supporting doesn't always mean financial support, especially in this case (with him being the way you say he is).
    all in all, just continue to be her mother..and never forget she's your daughter.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • She's a legal adult and has the right to date him if she chooses. But it's your home and you have the right to ask her to leave. Personally, I wouldn't want my 19yo living in my home no matter who they are dating. At 19 they should be supporting themselves unless they are full time students - that's my opinion... I don't think however that you should be trying to control who she dates, no matter if you like him or not. My mother hated my DH and did her best to try to get me to leave him... She was wrong! More than wrong! Our marriage is a good strong marriage, we have happy healthy kids and a good life together... Had I listened to her, who knows who I would have ended up with.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:09 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • I'm sorry but if I kicked my kids out every time I didn't like their decisions they'd have never been home! The best way to teach someone something is to have them close so you can guide her not kick her out so she has no where to go and goes to him. What happens if she gets pregnant by him and he dumps her? Then she's going to want your help then. Get her to come home and get things out in the open. Prove to her he's a jerk. Let her see him for the bum he is. What does a 30 yr old man want with a teen anyway? Ok, we know the answer to that but she doesn't yet. He's wanting to train her to be his stepford woman to take care of him. Sad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:14 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • i have already loaned out money twice only to find he reaped the rewards ......he has her involved in prescription drug use and left her in debt with over two thousand dollars in emergency room bills......i also believe he is verbally and physically abusive
    compassioninny

    Comment by compassioninny (original poster) at 10:14 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Unfortunately she is an adult and can do as she pleases. You were right to kick her out. You need to protect YOURSELF and your assets!!! If he has a criminal past, what do you think his friends are like!??!

    All you can do, if HOPE that your daughter will come to her senses, and if she does, be willing to help her through. Beyond that, she needs to figure this stuff out on her own. I'm sure you worry about her, it's only natural, you're her mother, but she has already disrespected you and your rules by sneaking around in the first place. Sorry, you're having to deal with this! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

  • Until you know for sure that he is physically and mentally abusive there really isn't must you can do. Can't really assume that she is getting hit and what not. I think that you may want to have a talk with her as well and let her know how you feel... But don't ever stop being a mother, but be her friend too...
    Michele068

    Answer by Michele068 at 10:19 PM on Jul. 16, 2010

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