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2 Bumps

Would you be tired of this dynamic with your good friend and Mom of daughter's best friend?

Our daughters have been friends since they were 8, now both are 16. She has been a career woman, computer science college professor. Her DH works for the state, great job, lots of benefits, time off. They make 6 figures...we struggle. When she goes away to conferences, her DH almost always tries to push his kids off on us, as if they are an inconvenience, & get invited for dinner later. While I didn't mind in the beginning, and enjoy his company, it's starting to get to me. I know it takes a village, but my kids are never invited to their (new) home. When my friend is home, she's always calling to arrange driving to and from the girls classes, but never has time to go anywhere with me. They never host any of the numerous sleepovers (claim it's because of no TV) I work part time in the summer, so I am home more & she isn't teaching in the summer, so I feel like we aren't really friends, but it's a convenience thing these days

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Asked by dflygirl7 at 8:49 AM on Jul. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • cut her off..the mom. not the dd's friend. they are old enough to hang out together without constant supervision. isn't one of them driving by now? once they both are driving, and have access to a car, they can 50/50 their goings/comings..that is something YOU can control, at least with your own daughter. there's no reason to lie or make up stories to avoid the dad/mom..just tell them its not working for you, and you are feeling inconvenienced, and put out. now, go make new friends.
    they sound alot like my SIL/BIL...friendly on the outside, but will use the h*** outta ya as often as they get the chance. they've built up quite a network of similar parents who do the same, so perhaps its a way of life for them (and the other parents). its not one i want to be part of.

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:01 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • My son had a friend and I thought his mother and I were friends they made more money then us it turned out she was kind enough to tell me to my face she was only nice to me so our kids could be friends. You are in a hard place because if you say something to the parents and tell them how you feel it could come between the kids but if you say nothing it starts to make you feel used so I would tread lightly or figure out what your going to say. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:07 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • I think you might have answered your own question with "it's a convenience thing these days". It looks like you are being taken advantage of. It is unfair for you to have them over for dinner and never be invited to their home. I would stop that if it were me, but that's just me. OR ,at least, cut way back on the invitaions. You might also work in a little comment about going to their house. I have had friends say to me "next time it's at your place". It was done in'd have to be comfortable with saying it. You could talk things over with the mom about doing something together. Be very honest and say you'd love to do something with her and make a suggestion. And then you say that your girls have been friends for 8 years and your DD has never been invited to their house? That is so sad. You might be opening a can of worms if you do all of this. You could start slow and pick and choose.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:07 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • MORE................Be prepared that it may not go well and the friendship might become strained or end. You need to decide beforehand if that would be OK with you and your family. Best wishes.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:08 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • At 16, can't the girls drive themselves and stay over wherever they want without a tv? With computers now who needs a tv? If you are saying the dad gets a free meal out of having you watch his kid you need to nip that crap in the bud.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:22 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

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