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s/o of another question about unwanted people at a birthday party....

My son's first birthday is a little over two months away, but I'm already thinking about it. I have that one dysfunctional family member, of course. My cousin ( a HORRIBLY disrespectful and mean person, not to mention one of the worst parents I've ever known) has 8 kids. I want to invite my aunt (his mom) , but I KNOW she'll try to bring all 8 kids. They're horribly misbehaved, and run wild. Basically, I don't want them there. However, if we tell her that, she'll no doubt get super offended, try to start a bunch of family drama, and she'll end up giving my dad(her brother) crap. I don't want my dad to feel awkward or uncomfortable, but if you knew these kids and their dad, you'd know why I don't want them there. How do I go about making it known to my aunt that they aren't invited? What would be the least offensive way to put it? I don't want to be mean, but I'm not going to let them ruin my son's party, ya know?

 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 10:48 AM on Jul. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • Unfortunately there always seems to be at least one bad apple in the bunch. And let me tell you I have had many a birthday party or special occassion where I would have rather not invited a certain person, but because they are family, they were there. It is really hard and frustrating but everyone else knows what to expect and you will have many more years of having to deal with this. Overall after ALL these years and ALL the get togethers I am glad I did what I did, they are memories not to be forgotten. Keep peace and save face. GL
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 10:55 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • I'm sorry this is your situation. Keep the party as small as you can and explain to everyone that is the way it is going to be. As much fun as it would be to have a big party for the first birthday you need to put your needs first along with everyone's safety. Not all parents have a big deal for the first birthday. I wish you the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 11:32 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Two months from now we should have great fall weather, could you have your party outside in a park? Do you have anything like that nearby? That way her kids can run wild and you can keep all the food and a very small cake in a picnic basket. Maybe even have freeze pops so the unruly bunch can mess up their own clothes. You could have it like a wedding reception and say you will open gifts later because you really want all the kids to enjoy the day. In cases like this, just brainstorm and be proactive. Oh, and if you're cheap on the food maybe they won't drag their kids next time hoping to give them dinner. Just have a bag of store brand chips and freeze pops.
    LauraMi261

    Answer by LauraMi261 at 11:53 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Just tell her it's going to be a small thing, the kid is only going to be a year old, and that all 8 kids would be too much. Tell her she's invited and that the invitation doesn't extend to her grand kids.
    Or, if you really think she'll get upset or just bring them anyway, don't invite her.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 10:54 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • that is really good advice LauraMi261! love the park idea!!!
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 12:08 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Don't really see how you can invite her & not expect her to bring her kids. I'd be highly offended if someone invited me & told me I couldn't bring my kids. If you don't want drama don't invite any of them.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 10:51 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • They aren't her kids, they're her grandkids, who don't live with her. They're my cousins kids.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 10:53 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • tell them to keep numbers down u are not inviteing cousins. Or just don't invite the Great Aunts and Uncles. When we do birthdays I invite grandparents and I would also consider inviting my sibs and DH's sibs if we lived closer.
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 10:53 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Let me just add that this cousin is not only constantly in trouble with the law and is a drug dealer, but has said that he was going to blow my dads head off. Keep in mind that my dad has hardly ever had any contact with him, and my cousin said this because my dad told my aunt that he'd be done with him if he were his son. I don't even know his kids, but I do know that they're horribly misbehaved. She's the one that takes her grandkids where they aren't invited, but regardless, I'm not letting them ruin my son's party.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 10:55 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • tell them to keep numbers down u are not inviteing cousins. Or just don't invite the Great Aunts and Uncles. When we do birthdays I invite grandparents and I would also consider inviting my sibs and DH's sibs if we lived closer."

    I've thought of this, but the thing is, my dad has two other siblings, both who are wonderful and LOVE my son. I definitely want them there, but there's no way that I could invite them and not the aunt who has the son with eight kids.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 10:57 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

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