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2 Bumps

Relationships

Met a really nice christian man - sperated with two children and custody is shared. I actually met him in 2009 and we never proceeded and did not see one another however, a few months a go I saw hin and he got my attention just speaking - and then we started courting... He then tells me that he is seperated and afraid to get a divorce b/c she would go after hin for child spt or spousual sprt. OKAY.... WOW now this short time, I built feelings at the fact he is a christian man and I checked it out. they are definately seperated.. she's had her own for a while and so has he - so it's true - I did a private check. But, he wants to continue and so do I however, I feel trapped in emotions b/c I just felt as if the man I dreamt of shows up and then this bomb shell. He was literally almost in tears when I said I couldnt do this b/c I need full range and access but, you're still tied up. WHAT SUGGESTIONS! We attend same church

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Jul. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • my experience? don't do it. It can take forever for a divorce to happen and a lot of trouble until then. If he wants you, he knows to go forward with the divorce. Good luck to you both.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 11:29 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • if he really wants to be with you he will get his priorities straight, but i wouldnt wait around on him.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 11:33 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • As far as the Christian part goes, the word "Christian" can be interpreted in so many different ways. If he claims to be one and acts in a way you find acceptable, then you should feel ok!

    I, however, would not want to continue a relationship with him if he's still married. I understand he's scared about moving forward with a divorce, but if he doesn't he can't move forward...period. He needs to be able to actually put her in his past instead of letting it linger on. Plus, how are you supposed to respond knowing that if you were to ever come to a place where you wanted to marry him, you couldn't because he's already married technically?
    mickstinator

    Answer by mickstinator at 11:34 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Unfortunately, I agree. Don't go any further. He needs to be responsible to the children he has. Does he contribute to their support? If not, he's a deadbeat dad. You want to be with someone owns up to his responsibilites.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • No don't get involved. He needs to settle all his affairs first before he does anytbing. He could end up with nothing. Paying all his money to child support and allamony (sp?) and have a hard time making ends meet for himself and if you have a relationship with that, it will add stress to your relationship, a big burden. You need to know exactly what you are getting into. I would feel bad if he was left with very little and you had taken on him and his baggage.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 11:40 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • The idea that he won't get divorced because he will have to pay child support would irk me, first and foremost. My husband was married, but legally separated when he and I got together. He filed for divorce 4 times, but every time, she would do something stupid to screw it up. Like sign her maiden name, or dispute the day they separated, or sign in the parking lot not with the notary. And in Colorado, there is a cooling off period, or at least there was then, so every time she would do this, they would start the paperwork, but have to back out and he would have to wait another 90 days before he could try again. It took him four years to get divorced. However, he had already filed for divorce before he and I started officially seeing each other. I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't know he was serious about the divorce. I couldn't do it in this circumstance. Live your life, without him until he is ready to really be with you.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 11:40 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Hmmm.... I believe she can get child support and spousal support even if they are seperated. My sister didn't file for divorce right away, but she did go to domestic relations and she got child support and spousal support as they were living in seperate residences. I filed for divorce right away when I left and got the same thing.
    If he is reluctant to file for divorce, you have no future with him. Now, once he files, I can see starting to see him again. My ex drug out my divorce, I started dating my now husband a year after I filed, but it took another year for the ex to finally sign the papers.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Yes she can get CS and S. Maintenance NOW. Talk to the preacher. This guy can't have his cake and eat it too. He knows that but the preacher can help guide him to do the right thing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:13 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • First, he has kids and he won't take responsibility for them? They're his kids. And she was his wife, that's all pretty important stuff where I come from, a christian man like him should be taking care of AT LEAST his children.... Second, he's obviously not over her yet, I'd say he's lying to you. If he really wanted a divorce he'd get one. He might be afraid of how the divorce would make him seem, but either way, he's not done with her. I'd tell him when he is actually done with her to give me a call.
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 1:14 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

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