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Do you ever feel like punishing them is really just punishing yourself?

DS was grounded, so he was bored. Played in his room most of yesterday evening and trashed it - every bin, toybox and basket is empty. Rule is he has to clean his room every day, and now he's been in there 4 hrs, still has at least 1/3 of it to go, and has lost half of his stuff for a week just as part of the ongoing effort to get it this far. My job has been to constantly have to check up on him and nag him, all the while listening to him whine about how mean we're being (as if this were a new rule we invented today).

Accounting for how much time he's spent in there playing instead of cleaning vs how much time I've lost not being able to work on anything I can't interrupt, I think he's winning *sigh*

Answer Question
 
NotPanicking

Asked by NotPanicking at 6:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 51 (421,172 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • lol my mom used to tell me the same thing.." this is harder for me than it is you" lol
    megan1089

    Answer by megan1089 at 6:43 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • There's no rule that he has to do it all on his own. I find with my kids that if I go into their room and guide them then it goes much faster, they stay on task and everyone is happier. It's a downward spiral with punishment, the more you punish, they angrier they get, the more they lash out and the more you'll have to fight with them. When grounding your child have things ready for him to do (worksheets, puzzles, anything that stimulates the brain). A stimulated child will do less damage and you'll know you're helping to create more nerve pathways to make him smarter.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 6:50 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Why not just spank his butt and be done with it? Works really, really well. You tell him you love him too much to put up with disobedience and disrespect, and that it will not be tolerated in your home. It is quick, and it WILL hurt you more than it does him, but it will change his behavior for the better instead of making it worse. And you can get on with what you need to be doing.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:54 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • How old is he? You have to stick with it I wouldn't help. No Way It is worse on us when they are grounded. What choice do we have they need to learn. It's harder for parents in the long run if the kids run the show.

    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 7:07 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • I meant no way would I help. LOL it is definitely harder for us.
    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 7:08 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • lmao, I totally get you here....just wait til he's 17, and you are still feeling like you are punishing yourself. Hugs to you. I really, really, really understand.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:02 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

  • Yes punishing them is harder on me. Not only do I have to deal with the one being punished I have to deal with the other 3 who wants to play with the one being punished.
    mommyangel0102

    Answer by mommyangel0102 at 9:26 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

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