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2 Bumps

What do you do when you know that your husband is cheating but you can't leave? I mean financially you can't afford to move?

I found messages to a girl on my husbands phone that plainly says that he is seeing this other women and she knows about me and doesn't care. I can't afford to move out with my 3kids so what do I do? I love this man and this is breaking my heart but I can't take this I wanna go but how do I?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jul. 18, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • i know how u feel....been there done that. i actually caught him with her, then had the audacity to lie about it, she came over to the house to pick up him, she knew he was married, i was friends with her sister. then he said he broke it off but continued to text and call her. i registered for college in may, a month after the dead line, i busted my ass to get everything done i needed to do to get into the program i wanted in 2 weeks. im now a full time student and i borrows student loans even though i had enough grants to cover everything and then some. im having my extra money put into my mom's bank account and just gettin what i need from her for bills and such and leaving the rest so when i graduate in june '11 ill have enough money to leave and file for divorce.(i have 3 kids as well) but since i started school he has straightened up, at least so far. im taking it one day at a time and see where things go.

    Answer by gothmama91 at 1:43 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I say do not tell him you know. Wait, start trying to get out. Like get a job if posible. Or talk to family, see if you can temprarly move in with family.

     Or just confront him and see what happens.


    Answer by louise2 at 11:37 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Not good, not good!
    Research gov't funding etc, community help, family can divorce him, get child support, and yep, it will be rough, but it's better then being used.

    Answer by xoxticiaxox at 11:38 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Or dont let him know you know and get evidence (photos, copies of texts) so you can nail him when you do get a divorce.

    Answer by mzblack22 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I would not let on that you know right now, so that he doesnt have a hint that you are planning on leaving him. Then I would get things straightened out, try to save money, get a job, find family that you can live with etc. While you are living with him still, treat him as a roommate and not a husband, since he isnt acting like one.

    Answer by dakajazz23 at 11:46 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • and whatever you dont play the well he did i can do it game, cause if u cheat as well or threaten to cheat it will be use against you if/when u file for divorce, just make a plan and figure out what you need/want to do then go from there. at this point i feel i can get through anything with or without my husband. the odds were against me gettin into college for the summer quarter but i manged to do it. self confidence is everything, but someone tellin you, you can get through this isnt enough, you have to believe you can. and once things get into motion, other things will follow through. that first step of deciding u are better than this and doing something about it is ALWAYS the hardest

    Answer by gothmama91 at 1:51 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Just get your ducks in a row, mama, and go.

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:40 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I have a friend who was in a similar situation. She confronted him, got a good lawyer, got a job, etc. While they were separated he was still required to pay for her car, car insurance, medical bills, house payment, etc.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:40 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Tell him you weren't aware that your marriage was "open" but now that you know, you are going to start seeing a few guys that have expressed interest in you before but you turned them down bc you were MARRIED. Then get hot and all dolled up, have a friend babysit and go out with a girlfriend or even alone. Doesnt matter what you do. Even better if you do meet someone else. Might as well have some of your own fun until you figure out what you want to do. OR look up men on craigslist and leave it open so he can see. This sounds immature, but if he thinks you're looking too, something might come to head. Some people are so selfish they dont realize how things feel unless it happens to them. Write him a letter so you can tell him everything without being interrupted. Good luck.

    Answer by mzblack22 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Get info on her, too. You can sue her as well. Especially since she openly said she doesn't care that he is married. I would sue her, it's for alienation of affection. Get hard copies of any emails. Any and all evidence you have will help you. Then get an attorney. Also get a job, and all that. Get your ducks in a row, all that other good advice. Once you have that, confront them both. IF you plan on suing her, even if you don't, tell them both that you ARE. The more proof you have, the more you can get from him. The more damning evidence you have, the better. BUT, don't alienate him in the process. Then he can come back with saying that you pushed him away. You have to play this little 'game'. No, not a game, but game. It hurts, he's a B@$t@rd for what he's done to you and your kids. But now you have to do for you and your kids. Oh, and some attorneys will work pro-bono. And some will make the man pay them=) GL!

    Answer by Raine2001 at 11:59 AM on Jul. 18, 2010

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