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Religion is really starting to take it's toll on my relationship.

I have become a born again Christian, and my fiance is a self proclaimed atheist. The stronger my relationship with God becomes, the weaker our relationship is.
At this point I can't really see us getting married, unless he changes a little. I'm not asking him to be a religious nut job, but I don't want to get married to someone I wont see again in the afterlife.

We have two children together, and he is very very good to me. So I want to stay with him, but I can't ignore the big pink elephant in the room much longer. What would you do if you were me?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (18)
  • That's something I hope you've been deep in prayer about. Scripture does speak against marrying someone that is unequally yoked ~ meaning a non-believer. You can't change your fiance you and only grow yourself and your relationship with God. In my opinion, anything that hampers that needs to be rethought. The fact that your relationship is already faltering isn't a good sign, marriage won't fix that. And that fact that you are already thinking you can't see getting married is a sign that the Holy Spirit is convicting and guiding you.

    Answer by lifeofchaois at 3:16 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I have a GREAT book I'd love to suggest to you, however, it does have a tendency to rub women the wrong way. If you're interested in knowing the title, send me a message, I'd love to share an excerpt from the book as well.

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 3:18 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Well he says he is open minded about things, but he's just too logical of a person. He needs tangible proof that a higher power exists, but is open to the possibility that one does.
    I don't know what else can happen, except prophecies that foretell the Apocalypse. We have already had two miracles happen in just the time we have been together.

    Things are only faltering on my side, I would say if anything he only loves me more now than ever, and I love him dearly and can't picture my life without him, but this one thing kind of eats at me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Also he has no problems with me believing this way, or bringing my children up as Christians.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • He sounds agnostic, not atheist---however---

    The Bible also says that Christian wives can win over their unbelieving husband by their conversation (translation: lifestyle). So there is hope-- don't shove religion down his throat, or force God on him. Let him see that being a Christian brings joy and changes you for the positive. Love him no matter how he chooses to believe, but gently and quietly live out your faith in front of him so that he can see it's a good thing.

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 4:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Sounds like a good man. Would be a shame to throw him away over something so trivial. If you love him and he loves you and is willing to accept you for who you are why is it so hard for you to do the same?? Don't be so sure you won't see him in the afterlife because while you may have faith and think you know what's going to happen, in all honesty you don't know. Nobody knows for sure. If there is a God and it is a moral, loving , god why would he punish someone for having reasonale doubts. Why wouldhe punish someone for being skeptical of the claims from another fallible human?? I don't think it would, so I don't think your fiance is in any danger.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 4:34 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • one of the things that the bible tells us, is that we are ambassadors (sp?) for Christ, and the best way that we can be that is not by constantly rubbing religon on others, but instead by showing through your actions how Christ works in your life. read Romans 12, there is a list of things that are kind of a "how to act" for your christian life.
    as a side note when my husband and i first met, he ws not a christian, but he saw the peace that i had with God, and henceforth life. it took him a few months but he eventualy did start to ask questions, and he did become saved. so you never know, just show your SO the peace you have found. maybe that will be proof enough for him. if you have any other Q' just let me know

    Answer by HelenGartner at 4:39 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Well isn't atheism where you literally believe in nothing at all? Agnostic is where you are confused? He's more of a believing in nothing until proven wrong kind of guy. He believes in the possibility of a God, but says to him it's not likely. I haven't shoved anything down his throat, and won't do so. I know if anything that only detours someone. I haven't said anything for 3 years to him, up until a month or so ago.

    He is a good man, and I don't think I'm throwing him away. I lied to myself for a long time, and denied God, but I have come around again after a few trials and tribulations. I will always love him no matter what happens with us, but I just can't see marrying someone in a fashion I don't want to because their beliefs differ than my own. I sincerely hope that he isn't damned to an eternity of hell.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Thank you HelenGarter!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • To add upon what Helen has said, which is EXCELENT! Just make sure, that your new found faith is okay with the situation at home...and they are not pushy about it. B/c that can also be a strain on you as well. It they start saying things like, "God wants you to say this to him now, or do this to him now"....time to find a new church. While it may be the right thing for him to join for you, it will take time, sometimes even years....and there will be tears...but you have to work at it if you truly love him and think he is the one for you. Things will work out in the end.
    Take care sweeite.

    Answer by Musical-Monkey at 5:10 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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