Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Can you have a healthy long distance relationship while also battling depression?

Never had stability in my life. My parents died and my daughters father walked out on us when he was 2 months old. I have no friends and my boyfriend is a chef. He just started working longer hours and more days. I get really lonely and insecure about him leaving since my daughter isnt his and since it is easier to be with someone in the same state without serious abandonment issues.

Answer Question

Asked by MamaBear1188 at 3:15 PM on Jul. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I believe that you can. Before my husband and I were married, he lived in TN and I was going to school in DC. He battles really bad insecurity issues and depression because of relationships in his past. I was sexually abused by my father almost daily after mymother died until the day I left for college so it was always tough for me to trust men in general. But we loved out so much and knew that we were meant to be so we were determined to make it work until we could be together. I guess my answer is I think it can definitely wor well as long as you're both committed and really want to be together. Yes it is hard and really frustrating at times. But we now look back on that and it seems like it happened a million years ago.

    Answer by MissRJC at 3:21 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I think you can if the relationship is serious and you love each other. But I know where your coming from. I feel the same way most days. I think it's because we havebeen hurt before now we are leary. I don't have any friends either and suffer from being lonely to. I battle with Depression too by the way. And sometimes it can become over powering. I also suffer with major anxiety and that really makes life tough for me. What city and state are you in?

    Answer by MamaNiecey at 3:24 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • It is not a good combination but if you really want it to work it will.

    Answer by older at 3:25 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I thin that you may want to work on getting yourself some help before you even think about jumping in to any relationship. You have to be well, before you can even be happy with someone else. Being with some one is not going to take depression away, because its a illness...and so many dont realize that. I personally hate long distance relationships because that person cant be with you when your down, when your happy, etc. I have been in one, and it didnt work. But I guess every situation is different. But first you need to get yourself help.

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 3:25 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Thank you MissRJC It's nice to see that there are people out there who have had positive experiences surrounded by so much negativity. I have issues with trust and Men as well but Its different with my SO now. Its just with his job being so demanding and some times not calling I tend to over react. Its just he's never done those things but I know the situation was different in the beginning. I just wonder if I am too damaged for him and he is just realizing that. :/

    MamaNiecey I love this guy and he talks about the future alot and moving together but he has a ton of dept that he said he wants to focus on so when we are together it doesnt effect me but then his actions are a bit different. I mean he just isnt around much anymore and when he isnt working he is past out of wants to be left alone. and I try not to be irrational but I miss what we had adn I feel maybe he doesnt want it anymore. I am in Boston Massachusetts.

    Comment by MamaBear1188 (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Bellamommyof4 I go to the gym 3 times a week to work on my physical health and to feel better about my myself and I also see a therapist 2 times a month. I am working on my self I am not leaving it solely up to him. I wasnt looking for a relationship it just happened with him. We went to High school together and found eachother on face book 6 years later. I really care about him and am trying to get better for myself as well as my daughter. I didnt look to a relationship "get better" I have done that in the past and that has gotten me no where. This time I am realy trying to be healthy and not tying to put a "band aid" over my wounds.

    Older- Yeah I know it isnt a good combo but we dont have control over who we fall for. I am trying to wok on self love and not expect everything to come from him but he is my only support so its hard when he isnt around emotionally.

    Comment by MamaBear1188 (original poster) at 3:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Army women do it all the time. It is hard, but you have to be loyal and trust him with the same thing, be happy you can talk to him all the time since he is just far away, save up money (if possible) to visit him, I wish my husband were merely states away. just trust him to do the right thing ^_^

    Answer by Laura_Cruz at 3:47 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Trust is extremely hard for me. I am trying but my mind and insecurities get the best of me. I know military wives do it. I dont have any support to help me through this and its extremely hard to parent a 1 year old without anyone to lean on for emotional support or when she does something new and exciting I have noone to tell. My SO is so tired the few moments we do get to speak that he is less then enthusiastic. I wonder if that is just work related or he doesnt give a crap. He's always showed that he loves my daughter like his own, things are so limited now. It hurts. I have so much time to dwell, I try not to but again my mind wins out on common sense. How do I just let go a trust when I have no idea whats going on, on his end? Some times its days I dont hear from him even when he says he will call. I am left worried and anxious. I feel so weak its sad. I have gone through so much on my own and been ok. Now i feel helpess

    Comment by MamaBear1188 (original poster) at 4:00 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • im sorry to hear you are struggling with this. my dh works 700 mi. away from us and only comes home every few weeks. he works on a tugboat in new orleans. we live in tulsa,ok. our relationship has always been rough but passionate at the same time. we have hurt eachother,and that can cause depression in an already tough situation. truth is, people will do what they want to do,and they dont do what they dont want to do. i dont have any friends where i live either. so i come here to find women from all walks of life,and words of encouragement can help you find strength you never knew you had. god bless.

    Answer by amydutchcakes at 4:24 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.