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Balance and Compromise?

My husband has had a trip scheduled for over two years....and it was planned for the 20th of july to the 5th of august. I happen to get pregnant and I'm due right in the middle of it all....July 29th. We have the c section scheduled for the 22nd and he's leaving two days after I deliver, to go on his trip. I've told him how unhappy this makes me...he's leaving us while i'm still in the hospital, and we have three kids together already.
I wanted him to go through with the trip, and we had agreed on the 29th for the c section, that way he could be on his trip from the 20th to the 28th and be home for the delivery and stay with me from there on out. He wanted it changed to the 22nd so he could be on his trip from the 24th to aug 5th. I gave in....I was so tired of the pressure I got from him. I told him last night that I was still not ok with it...
What would you have done? What would you have said? How would you have handled


Asked by CAGirl4 at 3:51 PM on Jul. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,438 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You shouldn't be feeling guilty for wanting him there. It's not like you aren't wanting him to go at all. He shouldn't have pressured you into changing the date. One hand washes the other, and I think that the original plan would have worked best for you both. I do wish you the very best and I hope all goes well!

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 4:17 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • He shouldn't be going and sounds like he's being selfish, girl you're having a freaking c-section and need to rest for a few weeks and shouldn't be taking care of 4 kids and a house at he time time. He needs to be a good husband/father and not go on that trip, have he plan it another time. You need him then and so does he's kids.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:54 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I think the trip should have been cancelled once you BOTH found out you were expecting. GL, hope all goes well.

    Answer by QandA at 3:58 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Bad timing, but what's the purpose of the trip? I mean, the trip has certainly been planned longer than the baby ... if you all knew this trip was happening, the timing of the pregnancy is way off! But these things happen! I like that he's adjusting the timing of a trip already planned ... and while it might be less than ideal, I wouldn't be upset about it. How nice that you have family coming to help, that's wonderful!

    Answer by justnancyb at 4:06 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • handled the situation? Everyone thinks he shouldn't be leaving two days after....but seriously, what can I do about it? Should I have just said NO?...

    Comment by CAGirl4 (original poster) at 3:52 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • A trip that's been scheduled for over two years? Have to say, I agree with him. I'd honestly tell him that I hope he has a wonderful time on something that he's been anticipating for so long and not to worry about a thing at home!

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:54 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Even though i'll still be in the hospital, I have three kids under 3 at home already? Are there any times where family comes first? Reguardless of trips and stuff? This is a constant thing where I get put on the back burner for commitments with other things that I never was happy with in the first place?

    Comment by CAGirl4 (original poster) at 3:56 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I should have added that my parents are coming in town to help.....but even then I still feel like they're here picking of the pieces of OUR family. They should be here to HELP HIM, HELP ME and THE KIDS!

    Comment by CAGirl4 (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Even if the trip was planned 2 years ago...he has plenty of time in his life to do it again. You need as much help as you can get when a baby is born..and seeing as he is the father half of the responsibility is on him...what if you wanted to leave and go on a trip two days after? You couldn' would put your baby first.

    He is being really selfish. I don't know how you can change this but this is unfair on you and your baby and your family.

    A trip can be rearranged....the first few days and weeks of your baby's life can't.

    Answer by keyaziz at 3:57 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I was ok with him leaving on the 20th, my family would have been here, and could have helped me up until the birth on the 29th..and then he'd be back and be with me from then on out, but he kept pressuring me to reschedule for the 22nd. I caved...I was so tired of fighting about it and feeling guilty about wanting him here.

    Comment by CAGirl4 (original poster) at 4:01 PM on Jul. 18, 2010