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Do you think it's true that children who were abused go on to abuse their own children?

I was just thinking about how my mom was abused terribly as a child. Yet, she's always been so patient, loving, and kind to my brother and I. She's never once came even close to abusing us. She said that if anything, it made her want to be an even better mother to us. However, I often hear people say that if you're abused, you're more likely to abuse your own children.

What do you think?

I don't really know where to put this, but since it's a matter of opinion, I'll put it in Parenting Debate.


Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 9:05 PM on Jul. 18, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Saddly, many people who were abused go on to abuse others. However, there are many who make the choice to have a better life for their kids and try to raise them in and safe and loving environment. I was abused as a child, but I never abused my children. There were times I truly had to be careful and monitor myself, but I am so thankful that I was able to overcome. Hope this helps.

    Answer by GiGito1SoFar at 9:15 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Statistically, yes, that happens more often than not. But that doesn't mean everyone, of course. Clearly your mother found found a better way.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 9:09 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I think that people have control over, who they grow up to be and how they raise their own children.


    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 9:09 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • some do some dont. my mother would verbally abuse and sometimes phsyically abuse my brothers and I, half of them and I grew up anti-violence and caring towards our children and wuold never do such a thing and the other half grew up violent , and have a very sour -negative relationship with their kids.

    Answer by Kayge at 9:19 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I think people no matter what are a product of their upbringing. I think they either hand down the same because that's all they know, or they rise above it, and become better people because they were raised in such a home.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I think most go to one extreme or the other. Some carry on with the abuse and some go over to the other extreme. My mom was sexually abused as a kid, as were all her sisters. Growing up, sex was a bad thing, something not talked about, not seen on tv, something that was just bad and dirty. Now that I know about her abuse, I understand why she was this way. She didn't abuse my brother or I, or my sister when she finally came along. She just tried to protect us from it more than necessary.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • Not at all. I have 2 people in my life who were abused. Neither of them will lay a hand on their children. You can choose to pass the abuse on or stop it.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:11 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • I see patterns of crap get passed down~some people are so sure they are not doing harm because look how good they turned out~there is a certain power in being a bully and some people just move right in that role of their abusive family of origin~

    yet, I see therapists who have been raised with that kind of crap and look how they turn it around like your mom~wonder what makes the difference?

    Answer by surfcitymom at 9:12 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • My mom was very emotionally abusive and at times, physically abusive. She was this way because she was raised this way. I am not this way. Honestly, I don't know if I would be if my first born hadn't been diagnosed with autism. He taught me patience and understanding I never thought I would be able to posses. My second child has benefited from that.

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:13 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

  • no i dont believe so. i come from a life of abuse, and have seen abuse through out my life and i am not abusive, if anything i take what has happend to me and make sure that i dont treat others how i was once treated! but everyone is different, there are those who wollow in there past and choose to be abusive in their life or there are those who take what has happened to them and turn it into something good.

    Answer by loventhem22 at 9:16 PM on Jul. 18, 2010