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what do you do when you have tried to do the best for your kids and they treat you so badly and say hurtful words to you.

i have a daugther who is nineteen years old and is going on her third pregnancy the first child only lived for 45 minutes the second child lived but has md and now she is pregnant again she was told form doctors that this is very dangeous and that her pregnancies should be planned in advance because she can not hold the baby for the full term and because of the situation me and her had a big argument she was very disrespectful to me so i told her that she had to leave my house she has always been a very difficult child now she told me that she will never talk to me again and what really angers me is that the man she is pregnant from is 32 years old. what should i do?

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Asked by lashawn720 at 4:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (13)
  • Personally, I think you should apologize. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, or even that we do mean in a way we shouldn't. Your daughter sounds like she's got a lot of worries and needs to know that you will be accepting -- with appropriate boundaries. (I also remember that hormone thing when I was pregnant.) The best thing I say (because I'm usually right) is: I'm sorry we argued, but I still love you."

    Answer by WD40 at 4:29 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • well if he's 32 then he should be able to support her. you're right to get her out of the house. if you've talked to her till your blue in the face, and she still won't listen, then leave her alone and let her learn the hard way. When she grows up she'll figure out that you were right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • LOL Anonymous..I think you must have been a fly on the wall at my house during a few conversations. I have sooooo been there. To the O.P. The only difference between you and I is I am dealing with a son and I am now the adoptive mother of both of his kids. Hang in there.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:33 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Ask her to forgive you if you did something worthy of forgiveness. Other than that, what can you do?

    Answer by manna1qd at 9:26 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I tend to agree with Anonymous answer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • What do you have to be sorry for? Sounds to me like she is shitting all over you. Not too mention having messed up baby after messed up baby...which is sooo wrong especially at her age. Time for some tough love. She would not be welcome in my home until she learned to speak to me with respect and promised me to get her life in order. Bad kids happen to good parents all the time. Tell her to go live with Mr. Wonderful if she has it so bad with you. Let him take care of her. Which should go well coming from a man that thinks at 32 it is appropriate to have sex with a teenager! You have every right to expect to be respected in your own home. I would tell her I love her and am here to help but you are co-dependant no more! You will no longer sit back and watch her flush her life and the lives of babies down the drain. Your highway option!

    Answer by salexander at 3:11 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I agree with anonymous. Theres nothing else you can do. Just let her know you will be there when shes ready.

    Answer by losingmymind404 at 10:50 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Hold her in your arms and tell her you love her and hope that everything works out.


    Tomorrow you may not have that opportunity.


    Sent with Love~~

    Nick's Mom

    Susan Markowitz


    Answer by NicksMomPOMC at 10:20 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • i dont think you should do anything!! youve made your point perfectly clear..if anything, maybe try writing her a letter, and let her know how you feel and how this all hurts you..and even tho you wish her all the best witheverything, you dont agree on the circumstances, so until she decides to grow up and change her attitude, and what not, you dont want to talk to her..its tough love..but, sometimes thats the only thing that will be hard very hard..but..ya know, at 19 thats how lotsa young adults learn..shes gonna see that she needs you..and will come just hafta be strong, because if not shes gonna walk right over you again, and again!! best of luck!!

    Answer by alexis_06 at 11:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • when you get a chance, tell her you are sorry about arguement, you still disagree with her choices but, that you do still love her very much. That you hope/pray for her to be healthy, happy, that you are worried for her and her babies cause as an adult and a mother you understand the toll this will take on her life, you understand its her choice to do and she must understand that since you disagree with her choice, you will always be around to talk,.....but, you can no longer have her choices affect your own life so much, she's an adult, she will have to learn to be responsible for her own actions/choices and you will help from a distance.

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 11:42 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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