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Edited Posting Help me understand spouses addiction

My partner of 3 years is mainly an alcoholic{mean and violent when drunk} and also a crackhead from time to time{goes on benges} Me and our 2 young children under the age of 2 have lived away from him in a seperate state due to it being an unhealthy enviroment. Our youngest is 3 months and he's only seen him 4 times now.
He had an extremely hard childhood, and has self hatred towards himself even at the age of 35, however he has not changed..has been to jail, in wrecks, in fights. He's cost us so much money. We have nothing to show..I have no vehicle and am living at my parents house. He's seen my tears and I have tried everything.
Help me understand addiction. Why does he choose this over me and his kids? Why wont he stop? Even after we left, he did not get help, did not change. I want to know from someoe who understands addiction.He went through 1200$ in 4 days and me and the kidsdid not get 1 dime.How could he do this

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • addiction is a disease of the body, spirit and mind. what you see now is not him but his disease. until he wants to break the chain of addiction he wont stop . he has to want it bad enough. people who are addicts still love thier families and friends but the addiction is stronger. and their internal pain when they are not using is so bad they cannot feel they can face it without the drugs or booze.
    my advice to you? leave him and for good. end this. because he can only bring you down, not you bring him up. he isnt going to stop unless he hits a bottom. he cannot have you emotionally and ever physically as a crutch or he will never end it. he has to know he has lost his family for good. even go to court to protect the kids from him. its in thier best interest not a cruelty. they deserve better.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 2:27 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • same as mommy tobe, i have much experience n a sad story. pm me.
    fefe87

    Answer by fefe87 at 2:36 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • thank you, that was a really well said thing, and i know this answer thing now makes me not anonymous, but hell..it doesn't matter, I havenothing to ashamed of. I was ashamed for a long time, but I finally found the strength to leave. It's sad because I dont know what will happen to him. I already have custody of the kids and I pray someday he will come to his senses..but at 35..I doubt it..and for me..it does hurt, the pain is the time that was taken and the things that could have been and the heartbreak from waling away from a man whom I loved so dearly. I know I am doing the best thig possible and the best choice for my kids. thank you all for your answers
    oogiesmommy

    Answer by oogiesmommy at 2:36 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Have you been to any Al-Anon meetings? I highly recommend you go. I'm a clean and serene person and beating the addiction was tough but not impossible. I'm grateful for all those who didn't leave or desert me throughout my insanity. Feel free to pm me, as well.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 3:15 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Good luck with trying to understand it. My second husband and the father of 3 of my kids is an alcoholic. We have been divorced for 16 years now. He is on wife #3 now and I don't expect it to last. He has sobered up over the years, but then goes back to drinking so to me, he is not recovered or recovery - it's simply a matter of time before another relapse. I guess I never had the need to understand it. It is his problem and there is nothing I can do about it, or for him. That was good enough for me. I moved on and made a much better life for myself and for my kids. I think sometimes we make ourselves more crazy trying to understand something that is not understandable.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 11:50 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • To the poster ...........I have some experience in this area. Mine is just an alcoholic who has left us due to poor choices and getting a DWI. One of many. I found it extrememly hard to get support on here or anywhere when I was going through this awful time. I was going through such a horrible time and looking for support, but only got negative answers from people. Leave him, leave him, leave him is all I heard. No one understood that I was inlove with him at that point and I neede to try to get some help. If you really need a friend and someone who understands E-mail me privately. I wish I had this kind of support when I was going through my shit. I am still with him, but it's always an emotional rollercoaster. I am always wondering when the hachet will fall. He's been out of jail for 3 years, but I never know. It's a rough life. It's hell. So I know where you are. And sometimes you can't just get out.
    MamaNiecey

    Answer by MamaNiecey at 12:29 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

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