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How can I tell her to stay the f*ck out my business but in a classy manor? Lol

My husband and I are a young married couple.(20&21) I use to be very close to his mother until I started telling her about my relationship issues with her son. Her son has cheated on me a couple of times an she would always stand up for him! I told her my problems because I thought of all ppl she would understand because his father cheated on her. Was I wrong! Now I talk to my sis,mom, or cafemom lol. Anyway, we got in another argument and I heard her voice over the phone and she was talking so much shit about me! My husband was telling her to mind her business but of course she didn't listen! When my husband and I argue she won't talk to me and she would ignore me. When we're good than I'm her daughter. Even though my mom loves my husband like a son she stays out of it and still treats him the same! I want to tell his mom off but you see I don't want to be rude because I can get nasty! To me she's being fake!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • well you did go to her for advice... i will tell you though..i love my MIL and i go to her for everything also..but i have learned to stop going to her and complaining about my dh because she ALWAYS no matter what takes his side or makes an excuse for him, because thats her baby!! I just learned i need to not do it because it was ruining our friendship and my opinion of her (because she was taking his side) and i really like her. I don't want that to happen
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:21 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Lesson Number One: Never discuss the marital relationship with family members. While you will get over the spats, they will remember every word you ever said against him. Talk to the air before you talk to a family member.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:27 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • First of all do not share the problems of your marriage with family members, any of them, either of you. It only causes problems as you know. I would have DH tell his mother to butt out. It really is not your place to tell his mother to butt out, you wouldn't want him to tell your mom to butt out.....He needs to stand up for you and tell his mother "she is my wife and I will not allow or listen to you put her down. If you continue to do so I will no longer be in contact with you" And he needs to mean it and do it!!!!
    You have to realize that right or wrong she is HIS mother not yours.
    good luck...
    and I would rethink being married to a man who cheats on me. I would suggest counciling for him alone and both of you as a couple
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 8:30 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Ok, this is probably going to be hard for you, but if you do it, it could really help things - at least some of it --

    You tell her that woman to woman, you're sure that she understands that no matter how good a relationship is, or how wonderful the man or the woman in the relationship might be, there's going to be fights sometimes. BUT - even though you KNOW she understands, you feel really bad and are sorry that you've put her in the awkward position of hearing about it when you and your dh have problems. Then you say that you have way too much respect for her to put her in that position anymore, so from now on, you aren't going to discuss your marriage with her. (Your dh, since it's her son, can tell her to stuff it, which it sounds like he does, but that's between them...)

    Then, whenever she brings it up, you just smile sweetly and say "oh, I don't want to put you in that tough spot

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:30 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I started telling her about my relationship issues with her son.......live and learn

    My husband was telling her to mind her business ....excellent

    it will take time, but she can not know any of your realtionship business between you and your husband (HER SON)

    for her, blood is thickier than water, and this will not change with her
    talk to a friend, your sis or cafemom
    time will no info to her should clear this up
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:31 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • cont

    You just smile sweetly and say, oh so nicely but oh so firmly - "Oh, I really don't want to put you in the difficult situation of being in the middle of our little disagreements - how about we talk about ____ instead..."

    Then, if she still keeps trying to talk about it, you can just laugh and say something like "Well, you know how it is with some couples, they fight, but then they get over it and have great make up sex... sometimes, I think it's almost like foreplay to him... (then laugh a little and give a wink)"

    You're going to shoot down her interference with kindness and sweetness and she's not going to have anything to gripe about because of it.

    Though I do suggest in the future that the only person you talk about your marriage problems to (as far as family/friends goes) is your dh himself...

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:35 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Just set some time for some alone time with her, melow out before you go, maybe a glass of wine might do i, or whatever.
    Tell her that the things that go on in your marriage are no one's business but for the two of you and you were wrong in confiding in her or anyone else, and this will never happen again. Tell her that in order to keep their relationship from harms way you two need to get along, and you are really waiting to try but she needs to stay out of the relationship and do her part. Take her back to her relationship with his dad and ask her how she liked MIL intrusions???
    older

    Answer by older at 8:36 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Rent one?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • You just have to stop telling her stuff
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 9:00 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • This is her son. No matter what she is going to stick up for him. One thing caught me as interesting. You say his father cheated on his mother. Well to your husbadn that is what he saw growing up and is "normal" for him if you can understand that. I do not think it is right so don't think that. But maybe you need to get counseling now before it ends up in a divorce because he doesn't understand this isn't how a relationship really is. If his mom put up with it then maybe he thinks you will too.
    carmadsmom

    Answer by carmadsmom at 9:11 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

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