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10 Bumps

What do I do? How do I cope with feeling this way? Please help!

Lately it seems as if my kids are just doing anything possible to drive me nuts! I want to scream and have feelings of actually wanting to hit them! I want to just spank them so hard they don't stop crying for an hour! I feel like a child beater and I haven't even done it!
Oh my God I feel like such a bad parent but I am just at my wits end with my girls!

They are 4 1/2 and 3. Lately (past month or more) they have been tearing up stuff, stepping on their toys, coloring on the walls, yelling, screaming, fighting, crying... CRYing... CRYING!
I have taken away all the crayons, took toys to Goodwill, put them in time outs, etc.

I don't know what else to do to make them mind and I don't know how to get over these feelings of literally wanting to almost beat my kids lately. I was abused as a kid so these feelings scare the hell out of me!

I never ask anon, but I'm ashamed of my feelings right now. :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Jul. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Your feelings are one of frustration and the fact that you are so aware of them is a good thing, I think we can all relate to these moments, but there is a fine line between them and abuse and as long as you do not cross it, you are ok, hang in there mom, I think you need some me time desperately work on this for your sanity! Hugs!!!! and a bump!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:10 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Okay, so,.. first calm down. Then try to set up a daily routine with them. Outside time at a specific time, then inside to color. Keep stuff clean too, that really helps. They can't color on the walls if the crayons are in a cabinet they aren't allowed to get in to. Also, I would look into getting a sitter so you and hubby can go out on a date, and maybe a weekend at grandma's will do them good, so you can get the house clean, and maybe pamper yourself a little.
    Kids sometimes go through stages of fighting with eachother. If they are butting heads, maybe try to find another child or children to play with. They might just be spending too much time together.

    Good luck.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 9:11 AM on Jul. 19, 2010


  • you are just stressed out,, dont feel so guilty, well you didnt hit them at least,, sometimes I feel so stressed out I get angry when my child when he does such things,, I never hit him of course, but I just get really mad and feel like I'm losing control, but I keep reminding myself that he's just a child afterall and I have to be the grown up here and try to deal with it as wisely as possible.

    try to take some time for yourself,, if you can leave them with a trusted person for a couple of hours, go out for a walk or do something for yourself for a change...

    take care,,
    mommy_sam

    Answer by mommy_sam at 9:13 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Do you have a spouse or SO who can help you? There's a book that I recommend to anyone in your situation: 123 Magic. It really helped me a lot! Good luck!
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 9:10 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • First of all, take a long deep breath. You need to get away from the situation for a few hours. Send the kids to your parents house, your inlaws house, leave them with your partner, anyone who can watch them for a couple of hours. Collect yourself and then come back into the situation with a new perspective. They're children and children are bound to drive you to a point of madness. However, the important thing is, is that you're asking for help before you go over the edge. I commend you for that. Now, as far as handling your children I think you need to really lay down the law. It sounds to me like they're bored and acting out to try to relieve some of that pent up energy. It's time to give them chores to do first of all. Give them simple chores that they can do and if they don't finish them they don't get to play outside or with their toys. Once they've finished take them outside to run around, play in the sprinkler, etc.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:45 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • (Contin) Then when they've come in, sit them down for a meal and let them relax while watching a movie. Let them know that if they abuse their toys (including crayons) they do not get to have toys. It is important to follow through with whatever form of punishment you put forth. If it's time outs, then stick to it. If it's taking things away, then stick to it. I like that you've given the toys to goodwill, because there's no getting those back. That's a good choice. You need to get your kids to release their energy in a positive way, because their destructive behaviour will only get worse if left unattended. All the best!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:47 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Set up a schedule for them and keep them busy so they don't have time to act up! Good luck, and don't feel bad, I think most moms would say they have had feelings like that. Just don't EVER act on them! :) Chin up...
    Aingls

    Answer by Aingls at 10:12 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like you all need a change. Set a new routine that involves a lot of energy burning activities. Keep those kids busy and the destructive behavior will decrease and they'll be tired too.
    Sisteract

    Answer by Sisteract at 11:36 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Whatever you do don't hit them. And because you were an abused child I know you know how bad it feels. You need to talk to them. You need to get deep in their heart. You need to show them that they are hurting you and make them sad. Simply sit them down and tell them "your hurting me, please stop". Yes they are young but thats a better reason why you should tell them now. You should also show them that paper is for coloring on not walls. And you need to maybe even seperate them in different rooms if the problem is they are fighting with eachother. And if they are crying, simply go sit in the backyard until they stop. Children usually cry just to get the attention, once they realize your not giving it to them by crying then they will eventually stop. Im not sure if you have a husband or not but if you do then try telling daddy to give them rules. Reward them when they are good and when they are bad work with them. Good Luck<3
    Miszross

    Answer by Miszross at 2:02 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • When my two sons were little I felt the same way. My solution, I gave them a room were they could do anything they wanted. I put butcher paper on the wall so they could draw on. I took the mattresses of their beds so they could jump on them. I thought it would be smarter to choose my battles than to try and control them. It worked. As of yet neither of them has ended up in jail,prison or arrested. And I kept my sanity.
    play4LA

    Answer by play4LA at 5:05 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

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