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What should I do about this????

I have been meeting up with a very dear friend of mine weekly. It's my chance to get away alone for a much-needed break & a great way for my friend & I to socialize. But, every week, she ends up bringing her 2 1/2 year old w/her instead of leaving him w/her DH. Sometimes she brings her other 2 children as well...both under the age of 5yrs. EVERY SINGLE WEEK, the youngest one ends up screaming and throwing a fit. He has a prob communicating w/her w/words (he does not talk AT ALL) so instead, he screams to get what he wants. It's so hard to have a conversation with her b/c of this. And it's even harder for me to relax & enjoy my time away from children. I take my breaks to get away f/kids, &now I'm battling one that behaves even worse than my own. But, I want to spend time with my friend and feel bad for not attending just b/c of her kids. How should I handle this??? Her DH WILL NOT step up & offer to watch him either

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (9)
  • Be a friend and let her bring her kids. Maybe she doesn't get out of the house otherwise. Not everyone has someone to watch their kids.

    Answer by beckie66 at 10:07 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I would suggest doing something that requires her to leave her kids behind.

    Answer by Flippindadaisie at 10:07 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I think that if I were you, I would avoid making plans with her for a few weeks, then call and invite her to a "mom's only" something - maybe invite her to go somewhere that kids just can't go. (It doesn't have to be a bar, you could, say, go get massages or something like that...)

    If she still wants to bring the kids, then maybe you need to gently tell her that you love her, and you would love to spend time with her, and maybe even have some play dates with you, your kids, her, and her kids, but that it might be a good idea that, for these times, her dh get to spend some quality time with the kids....

    OH - and you don't have to say this to her, but honestly - I HATE when a guy won't spend time with his kids "solo" - I want to yell "hello - if you were there for conception, it's not babysitting / watching the kids - it's PARENTING - try it sometime!" Sounds like her and her dh don't get this concept... :-(

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:12 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • It really depends on what you want more -- time with your friend or time w/o kids.
    If it's time with your friend, then keep on what you're doing.
    If it's time w/o kids, then next time it's time to meet up, say, "Oh, is your husband watching the kids this time?" if she says, "no" then say, "Well, call me when you pick a time so we can have some kid-free-mommy time."

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:13 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Oh, something else you could try - you could find a trusted teenager who can come and babysit for you guys (probably best if it's a teen and a friend who also babysits, doing it together). I know that there's been several times that my teens have been hired to babysit for a couple of families at once - the kids are all dropped off at one house and the mom's go out together.

    Maybe you could say something like "I've arraigned for ___ and ____ to watch the kids for us next ___ so that we can have a mom's night / day / afternoon (whatever) out without the kids along. I figured we could all use the break!" :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:15 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Maybe you could be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling, I mean she could be unaware and feel the same way you do.

    Answer by DessC at 10:19 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Maybe you could plan a weekly play-date with her so you can still visit with her, but find someone else to do your "adult time out" thing with.

    Answer by renea20 at 10:19 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • As you said, you take your breaks to get away from kids ... you need to tell her that. Be honest. Tell her that you'd love to spend some one on one time with her.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 10:40 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • If you want a break from all kids, find another freind to hang with for your mommy excape moment. It sounds like your freind could use such a moment herself. If your that deditacted to hanging out with her, consider hiring a babysiter. Maybe you could share the expence of such every other time.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 11:17 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

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