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2 Bumps

How do you feel about?

A married woman having an unmarried male bestfriend. Or a married man having a unmarried woman as a bestfriend? Let me throw on more thing to this the became friends/ met after they were married.

Answer Question
 
whitenena

Asked by whitenena at 10:28 AM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,298 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Friends are friends based on shared values, common experiences ... but not because of gender. I have many friends both male and female.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 10:30 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • just because someone is married means they cant have any non married friends?
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:30 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • They met AFTER the marriage? Well...if the bestfriend was gay that would be okay with me. BUT I don't think it would be right for a married man to become best friends with a woman he met AFTER he married...his wife should be his best friend. Same for a married woman...is she met a MAN AFTER she married and then became friends with him..no..that would not be cool in my book...my dh is my best friend and always will be.
    But if it was someone that they've already known for years...spouses have met the friends...they all get along..well..thats differnt, I think that would be alright.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:32 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • As long as that is all it is then it shouldn't be a problem. That is the same as being friends in any other setting... both being single, both being in relationships, etc etc

    It shouldn't matter as long as they get along and enjoy one anothers company. BUT, if one of them is married the married one should respect the feelings of their spouse and how comfortable they feel having them spend any alone time together. The freind should get along with the spouse as well as the married friend.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:35 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • The fact that you put BEST friend really caught my eye. I would say, no, it's not alright. I wouldn't mind DH having a female friend, even after we were married and he met her later... but if he considered her his BEST friend, I would be hurt... because that person used to be me... Can only have one BEST friend. You can have a million good friends.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 10:42 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I don't think it's a cut and dried situation. I have men and women friends, and so does my dh. However, we are "best friends". So if you mean that they have a good friend that's opposite sex, in the case you described, the friend respects the wife, is also friends with her, they also do stuff together, and the female friend and the husband aren't doing stuff that they're trying to exclude the wife from, then I don't think it's a problem.

    If you're talking, however, about a friend that's their best friend in the sense of that's who they talk about their problems with (possibly about their marriage with), that's who they turn to when they're down, or wanting advice, or have something to share, it's who they want to hang out with all or most of the time (instead of with the wife, or with her along), then I think you're opening yourself up for problems. But most of this goes for a same sex friend, too - it can be a problem.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:45 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • My "best" friends have always been males. I don't know why, but I can be more open and honest with a male than I can a female. Don't get me wrong, I have a few great female friends, but I always hold back some things. Whereas with a male, there's no pettiness, no jealousy, nothing like that. Just total open friendship.
    Debbie0524

    Answer by Debbie0524 at 10:59 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Every situation is different. I have several male friends, one in particular that I'm close with because we have a lot in common. We like the same music, movies, food, hobbies, etc. We are also very much alike in personality. This worried my husband (who is also friends with him) for a long time until my friend had to move in for a couple of months between apartments. In those two months we nearly killed each other because we were too alike. I like my friend because of what we have in common. I LOVE my husband because our differences make us perfect for each other.

    However, I also have a friend who was once married. During his marriage he became friends with a girl at work. For a long time it was nothing more than a friendship with common interests until one night someone broke into her apartment. He went over to check on her and suddenly their friendship turned into something much more. He ended up leaving his wife.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 11:04 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • It's not the kind of situation that can be generalized. It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship. I wouldn't be overly jealous of my husband's friendship with a girl but I would be cautious. You have to know where they stand and if suddenly one or both of them start keeping secrets from you then there would be something to worry about. If they can be honest with each other then they can to be honest with you as well.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 11:09 AM on Jul. 19, 2010

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