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Anyone have a hard time bonding with a difficult baby/or in my case twins?

I have a 19 month old and 8 month old twins. All boys. The twins are fraternal and premmature, so they are closer to 6 months.

I felt bonded with my toddler when he was 6 months, he was a somewhat difficult baby. I love him right away but didn't feel that instant bond I thought I would. Now he's the light of my life.

The twins were horribly difficult for the longest time. They are now starting to get a little easier. One is anyways, the other twin is still super fussy. He gets overstimulated quickly and whines all the time. It is a whine, not a pain or I need something cry. It is very hard to be patient with that whine. I am starting to enjoy them more, and do love them, but don't feel as close to them as I did to my toddler when he was their age. I fear I'm messing them up by not being super close to them yet, and wonder if I'll have as close a bond with them.

Anyone have difficulty bonding?

Answer Question

Asked by mommyonhawaii at 5:33 PM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (6)
  • sometimes this happens with premies because you sort of distance yourself thinking they willl not make it. I did this with my oldest. i never felt the instant bond others talk about I was so afraid he would die That was where my thoughts were slowly I relaxed and I love him dearly. I think we are all different and you are doing your best in a trying situation. as they get healthier you will feel better about this.

    Answer by Lyndall at 5:42 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I had a hard time bonding with my girl. She is very independent and is a daddy's girl. Her twin brother is the more challenging one and needs to be held by me most of the time. They were also in the NICU for 7 weeks. My oldest and I formed a close bond quickly, so with the twins it was different. I didn't get to hold them for a long time and even then it was for short periods. Well, you know how it is when they are in the NICU. I've figured out that I do have a special bond with all three of them. It's just not the same bond as I do with my oldest, or even with each other. My boy and I have a comfort bond, my girl and I have a fun playing bond, and my oldest and I have a first born bond. They are all different but all special. It also made it easier to deal with my fussy boy when I figured out that he needs the closeness to feel safe and comforted. Send me a pm if you ever need to chat.

    Answer by sammygrl77 at 5:48 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I have a difficult time trying to bond with the twins since I have two older babies who also need alot of attention. I end up letting them swing and nap most of the day. Luckily they are still big nappers

    Answer by vsrillo at 6:20 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • i have boy/girl twins who are 16 months old. my daughter had really bad reflux for the first 11 months, so she was very fussy...i had a hard time bonding with her for the first few months because she cried sooooo much. i felt bad, because i knew that it wasn't her fault. once the docs got her meds right and her actual personality started showing, the bonding process got really easy. just give it time, and if you have to, force yourself to give him extra hugs and kisses. now my daughter is a smiley laughing girl who is just full of energy. give it time and you'll find the precious lovable qualities that your boy has and the bonding will happen. good luck...i hope this helps!

    Answer by tstep972 at 10:38 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Better late than never. We're in the same boat. I'm having a VERY hard time bonding with my one year old, who was also premature. I can't really give any sound advice, since I recently posed a similar question to the Cafe, just earlier today. I suppose the problem will disolve in time. I simply adore my 2yr old, and my 5 yr old has developed a smart little mouth since he's started school. Me and my 13yr old have a wonderful relationship and she's a lot more patient with my fussy 1yr old. Never be afraid to ask for help.

    Answer by Dmommy4 at 4:01 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I honestly don't remember the first 3 months of my twins lives. I was a zombie, running on red Bull. They started sleeping through the night at 4 months, and things started settling down. I felt lack of bond until they turned 5 months. I felt guilty, but looking back I had no one on one with either of them. Betewen the endless feedings, changes, and collick what could be expected. Two is a whole other ball park from one.

    Answer by doublefistin at 9:40 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

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