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Is this really my responsibility?

So I just asked my ex if he would please try a little harder to be apart of my daughters life because this 5 times a year crao really isn't cutting it. Well, he immediately jumped down my throat saying that if I really gave a shit I would call regularly to ask him if he was off to see Hannah and I would drive her to the city that he lives in. i feel like one I shouldn't have to call you, you should be calling us to at least talk to her and also to set up a visit and I sure as hell should have to drive to the place where you live and hang out with you all day because I don't have anywhere to go... I mean I don't mind the driving if it is necessary, but the calling and asking??? That sounds ridiculous to me....

Is it?

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BriHan06

Asked by BriHan06 at 12:19 PM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 19 (7,166 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • There isn't a set visitation schedule? That's the best way to handle such things. That way he knows and you know when he is supposed to visit and such. Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just doesn't know when is a good time? Get that set and I bet you there will be less problems.
    kuriequinn

    Answer by kuriequinn at 12:23 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • He needs to be a dad and do the calling. He is acting like he is a child you need to take care of and that is b.s. If he cared he would pick up the phone and call or come by for a visit.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:24 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • He's just trying to place blame... If he isn't willing to make the effort, you shouldn't have to. It's HIS level of effort that shows how he really feels for that child... You care for her day in and day out - she knows YOU love her... That's all you can control and all you should worry about. If he cares that little, it's better he's not in her life more!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:25 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • partially, yes. but he needs to man-up and do his daddy-duty. it sounds like he's trying to blame you for his neglect. you'll only get so far with that attitude from him, and when you've had enough, you won't let it bother you so much. as your child gets older, she/he will come to know what a jerk-off he is. children generally know/appreciate who the actual parent is. IMO
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:25 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • He knows you're right and he got defensive. No, it's not your responsibility to make sure he sees his daughter, that's HIS job as her father. As far as driving, if you live far apart it would be reasonable for you guys to meet half way or switch on and off for the drive, but seriously? He's acting like a 4 year old.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:26 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • In our state there is a general schedule, but it is only if the parents are arguing over time as in the custodial parent is cutting in to the other persons time. This is not the case. He just doesn't have the interest in it right now...whcih sucks
    BriHan06

    Comment by BriHan06 (original poster) at 12:26 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • He should make more of an effort, but sometimes you have to do more than your fair share to do what's right for your child. Maybe you could give him a schedule for several months to tell him dates that would be good for visitation and ask him to let you know which dates will work for him. Ask him to either meet you half way, take turns doing all the driving, or have you take her to him and him bring her back to you.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:28 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Its all a matter of how much more you want him to be in her life. If you desperately want her to have her father around more then you may have to do that. Should you have to , no. The real question is how much does your dd mean to you and how much does her father mean to her.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 12:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • In his defense, his car did get repossessed and he lives an hour away ,so I should at least try to work with him on the drive part, but I should have to set it up to and ask him if he wants to see her? That to me sounds ass-backwards
    BriHan06

    Comment by BriHan06 (original poster) at 12:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • if he wants anything else in his life he has call and set it up~I think you caught him slacking~I would make it easier for that time to happen though, for my kiddo~clear expectations are so much easier to plan around~write out all the visit days until the end of the year?
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 12:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

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