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My 4 year old is still not potty trained. adult content

My 4 year old daughter refuses to potty train. We have tried several different things, bribing, stickers, gifts, put her in big girl panties, and offered her something for when she peed in the potty, but nothing seems to work. All she does, is take the wet panties off and tell us she needs more. I am not sure why she is so stubborn. She doesn't want to sit on the potty. We try not to be angry with her for peeing, b/c I know that is not the way to do it, but I just don't understand why she doesn't want to be a big girl, like her sister and wear panties, and pee in the potty instead of her diaper. She does tell us when she needs a diaper change, and we have been leaving a wet diaper on her for a little longer so it will be more uncomfortable, but nothing we have done seems to be working. Should we just stop trying, and let her decide?


Asked by TeenerBeener75 at 12:30 PM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (22)
  • I would stop giving her the option to decide if she wants to go potty or not. Instead of your husband asking her, he needs to tell her to get on her potty (every hour or so, whatever her schedule is). Have her sit there for x minutes, if she doesn't go, fine but then an hour or whatever later she can come back and try again. I really think giving her choices and options is what is not helping. I would also start making her clean up her own mess and maybe try not giiving her clean underwear right away. I'm saying let her sit in it for hours but long enough for her to understand how uncomfortable it is. I think if you take charge of the situation and stop giving her control she will have no choice but to potty train. Good luck!!

    Answer by newmomma14 at 12:44 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Have you had a dr check to make sure there isn't a medical problem slowing her down? That said, my oldest was 4 before we could potty train him, just cuz he didn't want to take the time out of his fun to go use the bathroom. We finally had to say that's it and put him in undies and just not go back. It was an awful first week! Tons of clothes washed. If he got pee on the floor HE had to clean it up. And what finally did it was this - he had picked out his own undies to wear, a favorite was Buzz Lightyear. Well, I don't wash poop out of undies so when he pooped in his buzz lightyear undies I made him put them in the trash. It was awful and he cried the whole time and for a week kept asking about his buzz undies, but he never pooped in his undies again. They say not to push a kid to potty train, but by age 4, some kids need the push!

    Answer by Hausermom at 12:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Sounds like a trip to the doctor might be needed to rule out some underlying reason why she isn't potty training.

    Answer by MKSers at 12:35 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • sounds like this has become a battle of wills between you and her. honestly i would make NO big deal out of it. merely say OK honey well you have ot put those in the laundry and go get your wipes and clean yourself , then throw the wipe away. make her participate in her choice. but make NO fuss about it. no reaction just everyday whatever. she knows what she should doing but wants to hold out still , control issues. this is one thing she can controlin her life. so take away the attention and act cool about it. only make her participate in her choice by putting things in the laundry, cleaning herself up etc

    Answer by sati769leigh at 12:35 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • do you use the potty or a potty chair? I've heard of some kids being scared of the big potty

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 12:36 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Welcome to my world. I have a post in 3-4 year olds section where I am ready to have a break down. Its like what another poster said "a battle of the wills". He straight crosses his arms and screams NO!!!!

    Answer by kc932 at 12:42 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • My son kept wetting his pants and pull up until one day I had enough. I told him he could wear them as long as they were dry. As soon as he wet his pants he went naked the rest of the day. He didn't care for that too much but also didn't seem to understand my purpose! After about the 3rd morning of having to go naked the rest of the day he realized it was because he was wetting them. We had about 2 more days of accidents - but later in the day, and since then he has been dry. He is now dressed :-D and takes himself to the potty.

    Answer by micheledo at 12:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • My oldest daughter was between 3 1/2 and 4 before she was trained. I tried all the things I read about plus came up with a few of my own, but nothing seemed to motivate her. When she started pre-K-3 I thought she'd see all the other kids wearing underwear and using the toilet and feel embarrassed, or at least interested, but she came home BRAGGING that she was the only one in her class that still wore Pull-Ups (I know Pull-Ups don't train, but were required for school) . I couldn't believe she was PROUD about not being potty trained! What finally made it click for her was when she started talking about her upcoming birthday and out of desperation I told her that she wouldn't be having a birthday and couldn't turn 4 if she still wasn't using the potty; she believed me and started using the potty from that point on. I don't know if something like this would motivate your girl, but just know you are not alone! GL!


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 1:01 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I feel your pain, my son turned 4 in June and will not poop on the potty. He's good with peeing, and has pooped on the potty, but for the most part will just poop in his pants (or pull-up at night). He knows he's supposed to use the potty, and when he does happen to sit there he proudly announces to the world what he's doing, but then later he will crap in his pants. I've tried making him clean himself and his underwear, making him throw the underwear away, offering bribes (hey, if it works, at this point I don't care about the message), everything short of spanking. It's so frustrating! And I hate sending him anywhere for fear he'll poop his pants. He's supposed to start preschool this fall, so I'm hoping something clicks for him this summer.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:02 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • mama! My sons are 1 1/2 and 2 1/2....Im having a tough time w/my 2 1/2 y/o....Ill check back for advice also!!!

    Answer by oregonduck at 12:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2010