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stepdaughter question

My stepdaughter has been sneaking and texting,talking to an ex-boyfriend which we forbid her to see.She suddenly screamed at me and my husband and said she was getting emancipated from us because she loved him(after 4 months).She is 16 and says she can make her own decisions.She admitted to messing around with him at school 5 times.The house is so messed up now.We took her phone for good which she got for her birthday and my mother in law cried because she said that was her gift.I just want to flip out and have my life back for myself and my daughters that my husband and I have together.Should I just give up and move on for MY girls.I am so very confused and angry.Help!

 
wishes4me

Asked by wishes4me at 3:11 PM on Jul. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (5 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I know that it is hard trying to raise kids that you did not get to raise from birth. I have been through some similar rough patches with my girls (my husband's). I have tried everything possible to figure out what would work with teens, let alone teen girls. The only thing that I can say is don't give up. It does get better. There were times that I said that I was leaving, that I couldn't put our kids through the drama anymore.

    What helped? I put one of them in counsling, put the other one in private school, took away all privileges (cell phone, tv, outside activities), gave them a list of chores that was a page long. But none of this will work if you don't have the total support and backing of your husband. He cannot make you the bad guy. Also, print out the information on emanicipation for her, so she can see that it is NOT any easy process. That there is alot of rules that go inot it. Let her figure it out.
    2Toddlers2Teens

    Answer by 2Toddlers2Teens at 3:28 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I think it will hurt your girls if you give up on their sister. This might be a situation that could benefit from some outside help. When things get crazy it sometimes helps to talk to someone who isn't emotionally involved - a therapist, minister, friend, etc. Sometimes that will help you see things more clearly and give you energy to continue on.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 3:25 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Sounds like a tough situation in your household. Thank goodness I dont have that problem with my step daughter! She's 15. If we were to come to that point though...I think I'd want to try out some family counseling. Also, maybe bring this boy over that she is so in love with and get to know him. If one thing I have learned from teenagers..I have learned the more you push for things to be your way..the harder they will push against that. Maybe you guys can come to some type of agreement with her about him. Like, she can hang out with him but only these times, these places and with these people...or maybe only under adult supervision. Try listening and doing a little less talking.
    Raising a teenager is no picnic...but don't forget..BEING a teen is no picnic either,lol.
    I know its hard...but stick it out, you'll be happy you did. Good Luck to you and your family.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:28 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • if you didnt love your stepdaughter, you shouldnt have married your husband. its not about "YOUR" girls and his girl. you are all supposed to be a family now, she is your girl now too and thats your daughters sister. you think shes the only 16 year old who sneaks things or has a boyfriend that her parents dont like? NO. thats pretty normal. i dont know what this kid did that you dont like him, but i find that the more you try and force her to not see him, the more she will want to see him. especially at her age. shes going to be an adult in 2 years.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 3:15 PM on Jul. 19, 2010