Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Would you tell your kids about their grandfather if he never showed his face or asked how they were doing?

My daughter surprised me the other day by asking if my husband had a dad. His father is worthless and has seen our daughter maybe 3 times and she will be 5 in November. She doesn't have any memories of him and we have no pictures of him. She knows that he has a mother and a sister who she talks about all the time and they see her a few times a year. When she asked me that I told her to ask her dad because I just don't understand relationships like that. She asked him and he said no. Well he does have a father and it is so crazy because I felt like that was wrong of him to say that, but then again she will start to ask questions and wonder why she never sees him. What do I do. I really think it has been at least two years or more since the last time we saw him. He makes trips to come and work on his rental and the day before he leaves he will call my husband and tell him he is here but leaving the next day. What to do?

Answer Question
 
Savymom25

Asked by Savymom25 at 4:51 PM on Jul. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (964 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Yes,they deserve to know about their grand parents. Even though the grand parent my not be in their lives, the grad parents is the one losing out. Their loss,not your kids'.

    My kids are in a similar situation.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 4:54 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I would make up a funny story about Grandpa - since she is so young. LIke, Grandpa is working on the railroad or Grandpa is busy making moonshine, and it could be your private family joke. It would serve him right for being so uninvolved ...
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 4:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • I'd tell her yes he has a dad but lives far away so you don't get to see him like if he lived close by. That should be enough for a five year old
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Yes, I would. My oldest sons father has never stepped foot into his life, but he's(his father) still a person and if my son has questions about his father i will answer them and let him decide what to think of him. Hiding it from him just sets us both up for more problems later. I Don't feel it is right to hide things from kids just because you disagree. Educate them and let them make their own educated decisions and learn from the conciquenses of those decisions.
    shesahophead

    Answer by shesahophead at 4:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • also, maybe have him explain to her that he doesn't like to think of him as his dad because he never did the things he himself does as a father or that he never came around.
    shesahophead

    Answer by shesahophead at 4:59 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • Talk it over with your DH so you have a unified approach. She should be told the truth with no judgement placed........just that he doesn't keep in touch with a lot of people and he doesn't visit often. This is a learning moment for her.......and she and her dad may be closer as the years go by because of it. Best wishes
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:06 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • well my husbands father/stepmother and mother/stepfather live in the same exact town as us and have not seen my sd since she was about 8 and shes 13 now...and i have a 6mnth old that they have never ever laid eyes on and never will...im sure one day she will ask questions and i fully plan on telling her they dont exist...my way of looking at it is..why bring someone in her life thats going to be a constant missing puzzle piece? Someone for her to wonder about? I would just leave it alone and follow your husbands lead that he does not have a dad..
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 5:07 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • It was never my intention to lie to her. I was actually very surprised by my husbands reaction to her question. His sister has MAJOR issues about her father, he didn't attend her college graduation (which we drove from another state to attend and he lives in the same state) he could have seen us all then but he didn't even have the balls to come. I just see how that effects her and I never mentioned him to her because the thought of someone out their related to her and not loving her bothers ME, how is it going to go over with her. I don't want to talk bad about him to her because he is not my father and I know regardless of how many wrong things he has done in his life he doesn't deserve me making any future plans to reconnect fail because of my big mouth. I would love for her to know about her grandfather, I just don't know anything about him. I have only met him a few times and he never remembered me until I married his son
    Savymom25

    Comment by Savymom25 (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • i think it should be explained to her in a nice way ive never met my moms dad and probably never will but my mom has never said anything bad about thim she just said he lived too far away
    kerrie918

    Answer by kerrie918 at 5:17 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

  • @ tashes PLEASE don't lie to your children like that. It is very damaging.
    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 5:29 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN