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Why am I a secret???

My husband and I have been married almost three years. Because of some complications with my ex husband and our little girl, a judge ordered us to get married instead of living together. I wanted to move in with my parents to let the legal mess calm down and have a proper wedding, etc. Instead, we had a JP wedding after he made me wait four months to get married and go thru a bunch of legal mess anyways. I could have put together a pretty little wedding with a four month notice. Instead I got a three day notice. He didn't tell his family for 6 months we were married ( even though they all love me and are super sweet to me) and recently we got pregnant and miscarried and he won't let me tell anyone, so I am having to go thru the grieving without the support. Instead I have his family asking me, "When are you going to have a baby??" I feel he never wanted to marry me, have babies,anything with me. Why am I a secret??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • SCREW HIM! You need to talk about this mama, go ahead and tell who you want
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:47 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Oh I am so sorry! The stress alone must be killing you. All I can suggest is maybe you and he need to have a real heart to heart and talk it out. Maybe counseling. I hope things get better for you! GL
    Kirs

    Answer by Kirs at 12:48 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Did u ask him? If u don't like the answer then do it your way.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 12:49 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • well as you stated in your story that because of complications with your ex and your child, the judge ordered you to marry your new husband i would naturally think because he didnt want to say what the reason why he had to marry you. maybe he didnt want to deal with all the rude suggestions and questioning anyone would give him.

    maybe the miscarriage part he didnt want to tell because he wanted you to say it and he's too hurt over it?

    well these are hypothetical answers and i could be wrong but i would suggest to ask him about it so it brings it to his attention so he can be outspoken more often and knows your hurt by it.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:54 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • What do you mean by "HE WON"T LET YOU???? are you not your own person? do you not have a voice?
    stand up and be your own person!!! never allow a man to decide what you can or cannot say!!!

    my 1st husband never wanted to tell his family we were married but he found out very fast that my mouth does not close and my voice cannot be silenced .....women need to stand up and become heard and seen.

    you go straight to your mother in law and tell her everything!! she deserves to know the truth....
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:56 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Forget that! Tell them yourself if he won't. Tell him the letter's in the mail (your mom should get it in 3 days) so you can call her beforehand or she can read it and find out. You need support!!!!!
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 1:00 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Just make him make everything clear
    A11

    Answer by A11 at 1:14 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO KEEP ALL THOSE EMOTION FOR YOURSELF YOU NEED TO TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT WHAT ARE FEELING. AND I AGREE WITH TH LADYES YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM AND OPEN YOU HEARTH TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION. THEN YOU CAN MAKE YOUR DECISION. I WISH YOU THE BEST.

    *HUG*
    Lizygoinghooray

    Answer by Lizygoinghooray at 1:50 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I agree talk to him and ask him why he doesn't want anyone to know. If he doesn't give you an honest answer go talk to his
    mom anyway. He has was too much control over you and if you LET him you will continue to be miserable!
    Allynmj

    Answer by Allynmj at 4:26 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • He doesnt' want to tell his family because he probably feels that the way y'all got married would not have been what his family wants. AND, maybe he didn't tell them you got pregnant because he didn't want to break any hearts & he didn't want to have to explain to anyone that y'all got married because a judge told you to. I know that i would be pissed at my DD if she went & got married, didn't tell me & i missed my child's wedding. That would really break my heart. Maybe his family expected a nice big wedding that they could all be a part of. I got pregnant & miscarried & my DH did not want me telling anyone in his family & i did not. He did not want anyone else grieving about it & he didn't want any of the somber recognition from family. I didn't either. I'm sure you have friends that you can grieve with. Why do you have to grieve with his family?

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:44 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

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