Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do you deal with a lying tween?

My 11 yr old SD seems to have a lying problem. Her mom grounds her regularly for lying & today she bold faced lied to me. Funny thing is, even when it's SO obvious she's caught, she still insists on the lie. Today I asked her to sweep the floors including the laundry room. When I asked her if she did the LR, she said yes, but when I went in a bit later it was so OBVIOUSLY not done. When I nicely said, "Hon, you forgot the LR," she said she did it. I asked her to come look. I don't mean I was being picky, like she missed a spot. I mean there was obvious debris in all areas, no way a broom even touched the floor. Still, looking right at it & me she says, "I did it." I dont get it. Had she said she forgot, I'd have just told her to finish, but it's the fact that she could look at it & me & blatantly lie to my face I was so MAD! This has been a recurring problem. How do you stop this???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • I would pick my battles with it. Sweeping the laundry room wouldn't be one of them. I would also sit down with her and her father and have a talk about the inappropriateness of lying to ANYONE let alone an adult who is responsible for you.
    Good luck.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 3:52 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Make her do it right". Don't argue with her just make her do it again. She will not getaway with it that's all.

    Arguing with her will only make you frustrated.

    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 4:02 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I am catholic - when we were caught lying, my Mom used to make us walk to church and go to confession.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 10:23 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I agree with picking my battles, sweeping the floor is probably not one I'd argue about. However my kids are older and their chores are required in order for them to get time with their friends and other activities they want to do...its not an option and its not a request its just a fact. If they aren't they don't play with friends, they don't get to spend the night anywhere. Although I do negotiate when they do their chores with them.
    As far as lying goes, I do think this is definitely something to discuss. I tend to explain to my children what their behavior can do to their future, not just their present behavior. I try to give examples of other people that act in this way, adults specifical to show them why its inappropriate and what can happen to them. This seems to help, also talking about trust and things she'll want to do but won't be allowed to because you don't trust her maybe good to bring up too.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:04 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • It isn't about sweeping the living room people - it about the lying. She needs to learn the consequences of lying. You, her father, and her mother need to come up with a set of consequences that will be instilled if she lies again. Such as losing a cell phone, computer time, TV time, everything in her bedroom but her bed and clothes. Losing privileges, etc.
    Don't argue, just go from lying to consequence. She lied about sweeping the living room, have her do it again while you supervise.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 5:16 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Its really not about the "laundry room" incident. More about the lying. Which is a problem with my 7 year old step daughter. We are just working through it on a daily basis. In the case of the laundry room, I would just tell her to re-do it. No if ands or butts.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 9:36 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Try making sure you don't give her opportunities to lie. Don't ask her yes or no questions, just tell her you noticed ___fill in the blank with whatever the situation at hand is that she might be tempted to lie about. Don't argue and don't discuss it. For example I might have said to her that there was still dirt etc. on the floor and ask her when couldĀ  I expect it to be clean. She would then say "I did it" I would then ask her nicely is she heard what I said. If she says yes then repeat your question about when you can expect it to be done and refuse to engage with her in an argument about it. If she responds with minimal grouching etc and the floor gets clean fairly soon after I would leave it alone. If she tries to argue and drags out doing the chore or does a bad job then I would remove a privilege or make her do another chore for me to pay me back my energy and time spent dealing with the silly floor situation. GL :)

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 9:51 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I do NOT agree that this is an incident you should let slide. The sweeping is one thing, but the fact that she lied... well that needs to be addressed.
    My daughter tried to lie to me and was caught. It was her and her friend actually. The friend was immediately sent hom, my DD was immediately grounded. She was also not allowed to go ANYWHERE for about 3 weeks. Meaning, when we went to the store she couldn't go one aisle over. When we were outside, she couldn't go to see her friend in the next yard. She had to be within 5 feet of me at all times. And I explained that it was because I can't trust her. Obviously she is willing to lie and sneak, so she cannot be trusted and I have to keep her with me.
    Would your SD get that? Would she respond to it?
    emhain

    Answer by emhain at 3:49 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN