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What should I do?

My 11 yo won't do what she is suppose to day to day like brushing her teeth, showering, any jobs (I put them on note cards and when one needs to be done I lay it on her desk). I can't make her and she knows that. We make the consequences after the fact but it doesn't seem to matter because she does it again. Well, I should say DOESN'T DO IT. How do I handle her refusal AT THE TIME. She just takes off outside, and has even gone off our property, which is kinda scary.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on Jul. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Since my kids arent even close to her age idk what to tell ya. All I can say is that you should take more privileges away from her, maybe cell phone or computer? Something that she really enjoys doing. good luck

    Answer by kgmmw at 9:38 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • If it was my kid I'd physically stop my child from leaving and take away all privelidges until they obey.

    Answer by mommymela87 at 9:38 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I would tell her to go to her room until she can do what she is told.

    If she say goes out a window then bring her back in.

    Tell her this ... for scare but nothing more.

    Tell her that you will call the police if she goes off the property. Tell her that is considered running away and she will have to be put in a place that will not tolerate all the negative behavior she is doing.
    Also tell her that if they come and get her she could not come back for up to a year.
    I also think that good consequences such as saying if you don't do it... then you will scrub the toliet with a tooth brush. My kids always do what they are told. lol When it comes to that.

    I've never had them scrub yet. My 11 yr old just is bored alot.... 11, is a tough age you just have to get strong and remember don't them her see you frustrated. That's what she wants.... :)

    hang in there fellow mom..

    Answer by Dannille33 at 9:43 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • oh sweetie! You've gotta be tougher on her!
    Like mommymela87 said, STOP her from leaving! put a chain lock way up high on the doors if you need to, or double keyed deadbolts on all outside doors that you can lock from the inside too that require a key to even get out.
    Take her stuff away! If she's not cleaning up after herself, take it all away, lock it in your closet (hehe can you tell I'm a fan of locks!)
    You can do this!!!

    the teeth & showering thing she will eventually figure out when other kids start teasing her for stinking, heck even make comments about her stinking yourself.

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • "I can't make her do it and she knows it" .. .Why can't you make her do it? You're the adult in this situation and she is the child, of course you can make her do it. Next time she refuses then she gets her IPod taken away. If she refuses again she gets her cell phone taken away. Whatever she loves gets put in a locked closet or area that she cannot reach. You have the power to make her do what needs to be done and if you can't make her then you're not going to get her to do it. Stand up for your authority and get her to do what needs to be done. She's 11 years old. She's a child. Be the parent and do what you need to, to get her to be responsible. If you dont' instill that in her now, then she will never learn. And you'll have an irrisponsible adult in the future.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:58 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • As far as the showering and teeth brushing, she'll get over this. My 12 year is finally starting to take more care of himself as his friends have started doing the same. Sometimes it just takes a while to get with the program.
    As far as her chores, I agree with the others you have the power to enforce the rules and you do this by being consistent in the consequences. If she leaves I would also drag her back in the house. This should be enforced, again with consequences.
    I handle chores two ways, there chores are the same every day. They have all day to do them, if they are not done I ask them when they plan to get them done, very rarely do not they not stick to their commitment, if they aren't done the next day its no friends. I don't argue because its just not that important. We also talk alot about shared responsiblity and the importance of showing respect, staying safe and keeping in touch those are my only rules.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:20 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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