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2 Bumps

How do I know if I can fix my marriage?

Okay so I jsut recently realized that there is NO passion in my marriage. It is like a marriage a friend. We have been married almost 7 years. We have two children. I got pregnant after dating him for a month (and he had broken up with me) but when pregnant we decided to try again. I have been happy so far to a point, but it is starting to wear on me because he doesnt take as much interest in the children as I would like and I dont like how he takes the easy way out of everything..will not help with the difficult things like potty training and time outs. He doesnt listen when I talk and he pouts like a 2 year old. I have NOT passion in the bedroom with him...it is not for lack of trying on his part..but he does things I hate and i have told him so a hundred times...I went for my first girls night out last weekend and he has become a totally different person..he is angry and moody..and pouty all of the time...help!

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pheenix30

Asked by pheenix30 at 10:56 AM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • they don't call it the 7 year itch for nothing. I think you both need some date nights. And maybe couple counciling. if you let it go on for much longer than you may end up divorced
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 10:59 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Sounds like you have already decided that you are not happy. And sounds like you and him are at a total disconnect. Maybe you should make a list of all the things you stay for and all the things that would be better if you left. And talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and see where he stands with it all. Maybe even talk to a therapist, Good LucK!
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 11:01 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Always try before you give up. Marriage counseling, reading some books together, date nights, change in routines, anything. Once you try, then you can start to think if it is repairable or not. Good luck!!!! Most of it sounds very familiar!
    RachWell

    Answer by RachWell at 11:02 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • He seems like a regular everyday man sadly enough, but you are worried and thats understandable, well yall have been married for 7 years, it seems to be about that time when you should start feeling like this, i feel like it is completely normal! Not saying its easy at all though. try talking to him calmy and nicely about your thoughts and make sure he knows you want to talk to him about it to help both of yall not just you. if you are feeling tension in the marriage then chances are he is too. Marriage is not always going to be pretty but you have to think long hall
    candace71306

    Answer by candace71306 at 11:03 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Have you thought about or suggested a trial separation? Some times they work, sometimes they don't, but if you can't stand the way things are now but aren't willing to just give up, or hes just not getting it, why not try it?
    nappeal

    Answer by nappeal at 11:14 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • It just sounds like you both are wrapped up in the monotomy of everything, and that is very normal and common. I suggest looking into something that neither of you have done before that is fun and exciting. Get a babysitter and spend quality time together. You obviously love each other enough to stay together for 7 years, maybe doing something different together will help rekindle that flame. My in-laws have been married for 25 years, and my FIL's advice to me was that if you can make it through the first 7 years, you can make it through anything. As a pp suggested, couples counseling would also be beneficial. I wish you and your dh the best of luck and hope that everything works out for the best.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:34 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I really appreciate all of the comments you guys...I talked to him today and it is sooo hard because he denies all of teh snappy comments even though I know they were snappy...for instance I did the dishes for him..and he says Great now I wont have anything to do tomorrow to kieep me busy...thats why i told you not to do the dishes...I was like seriously...I tell him I want him to takl to me when he is mad or upset...and then he says i know and then just sits there!!! I told him I need like 10% of my life to be about me because the other 90% is about him and the boys...and uptill then I have not had anything be about me...and just do things that make me happy....He says he doesnt know what is wrong with him....It is just soo frustrating.
    pheenix30

    Comment by pheenix30 (original poster) at 11:46 AM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I have been also realizing that my realtionship with my first love held soooo much more passion..and he enderstood me sooo much better...I dont know if I am comparing my marriage to how it was with him or what....Sometimes I wonder if I settled just because I was pregnant...and maybe all this time I have just been letting all of teh annoying things go because I didnt think I had any other options...I dunno..I do love him to bits and he is a really good guy..but its like trying to talk to a puppy..it doesnt sink in at all what I am trying to say....and it goes right back to the same ole with no changes every time.
    pheenix30

    Comment by pheenix30 (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Have you considered counseling? Also, you should realize you can not fix the situation by yourself. You can not just change your husband. You can only change yourself. As a couple you can change your marriage, but both parties need to be willing to work towards that change.
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 12:36 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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