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Would you expect this?

Would you expect your friends to help out extra if they were living with you for free? This is the scenario: We are letting a couple stay with us for free for a couple of months or so while they find a job and get their situation straight. They don't have to pay for anything, all they have to do is just give a bit of money for utilities when they find a job. They have access to everything: a/c, t.v., internet, laundry, storage, own bathroom. They have their own food.

I'm just a bit hurt though because although they are very clean and clean after themselves they don't go out of their way to help out in the house at all as a way of at least saying thank you "let me do something for you" since we are here . All I want is some gratitude and I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive in being to quick to be hurt. My husband says just to wait and see.
But it maddens me, I sort of feel unappreciated and used.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Just what are you expecting them to do? You say they clean up after themselves. Are you expecting them to cook for you?

    If you think you need them to do more, maybe you should speak up to them. Afterall, you took them in knowing that they couldn't pay the bills. They are keeping up after themselves and providing their own food. What more are you expecting?
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:14 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I'm a little confused as to what 'extras' you wish they to do. Are you expecting them to more or less be live in maids or babysitters while they look for work?

    Now if I were you I would demand that they be out of the house for at least a few hours EVERYDAY looking for work. We took my BIL in and he lived with us for 8 months. He had a small amount of money saved up and we cut him a really good deal on rent and bills. When his money ran out he asked if he could make a deal with us. I didn't feel at all bad about kicking him out because he did NOTHING all day. In the 8 months that he lived with us the only time he went out looking for a job is if I found places that were hiring.

    Be strong and stand your ground on this subject or you will end up with people living in your house that are just sponging off you and your family.
    crazedaffe

    Answer by crazedaffe at 12:19 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Yes I would expect a little bit of help doing at least chores like wash dishes, if they eat with you, and taking out the trash
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 12:35 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I think you might be a little sensitive, but I think you are right. If I was living with someone for free, I would do anything I could help to "make up" for the gift I was given. I guess that is how we were raised though. My mom would never have let us go anywhere or do anything if we didn't help out the people we were with. I am not sure how to approach this subject because I would be afraid of hurt feelings. Maybe if hinted a little, here and there, and mentioned how nice it would if you could have a little help around the house. Maybe dishes or the floor cleaned. Good luck.  However, even if the don't jump up to help, at least they are willing to clean up after themselves.  My brother was here for 5 days and it was horrible having to cook and clean up after another person.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 1:31 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Yeah, that's exactly what I'd expect. People who are willing to live with you for nothing tend to think they're entitled to everything.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:11 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • they may not know what is overstepping - it might sound crazy, but some people feel less obtrusive if they just take care of their own stuff and stay out of the way. the best thing you can do is not let yourself get caught in a trap of resentment and simply ask for what you want. whatever it is you think is appropriate to ask them to help with, do so, and they will probably gladly do it. don't expect them to be mind readers. and if it's bugging you, don't wait for them to come up with the ideas on their own. you are not being unreasonable. just give the benefit of the doubt...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:13 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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