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2 Bumps

Ug -

My SO and I agreed to take a break from eachother today. We both agree that thing's haven't been well between us and we need to decide if they are things we can work through or if we are just too different to have a life-long relationship. I love him, I really do. I know he loves me too and losing eachother would break both our hearts. Is it possible that a relationship can't work because our differences are just too much? Or should we go all in and work on things because our love for eachother is so strong?

I've heard that sometime you just have to let someone go, because the relationship just doesn't work. I've never been in this situation, my past relationships have ended because they cheat, lie, drugs, etc, always good reasons... but never because we just are different people... Is this even possible? I will be heartbroken...

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allfiller

Asked by allfiller at 2:53 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think you should stick with him and ebrace your differences instead of work against them. This sounds like a relationship worth fighting for...
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 2:55 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Well, your question is "is this even possible", so my answer is yes. That most certainly is possible.

    You ask if "we" should work on things ... and well, that depends on if the other half of "we" really want to do that too, you know?
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:56 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • i think it depends on what the differences are. not having a lot in common is one thing, not having the same morals is another. there are a lot of things that couples just agree to disagree on, but some things are just too big for that.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 2:56 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • The differences are things are morals and general values... things one normally wouldn't comprimise on. How to raise children, religon, closeness (emotionally and physically) to extended family, etc...
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 2:58 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Relationships are about compromise, and both of you have to learn to compromise on your differences. Depending on what they are if you feel very strongly about something, maybe he can give a little and if he feels very strongly about something maybe you can give in. Is it really that important that it will make or break you? Combining to lives together can be difficult, my husband and I are very different people with very different views but we balance each other out! He is a fly by the wind very easy going guy and I am very strict by the book high strung person... I help him be more responsible and structured and he helps me loosen up every once in a while!

    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 3:00 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Oh, and we do NOT have children together I have a DD from a previous marriage.
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 3:00 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • And this is why the myth of "opposites attract" rarely works ... because it really is about matching on important things like values and goals.
    I hope you can sit down together to see if you can find some common ground between you on the issues at hand. It might take some good hard talking, but it could just work.
    Good Luck.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 3:01 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • In pre nup classes they have you talk about money, children, religion, and sexual compatability. If you don't agree on these things OR can not come to some sort of compromise you will have a rocky road. Plus the extended family issue you mention above is huge. Could you seek out some counseling before you call it quits? It might help and, if not, you know you did all you could to make things work. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:08 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I don't really know, but I wish you all the best. I'm going through this with my SO right now too. Our challenge is 1000 miles worth of distance. :( GL! If you ever want to talk you can PM me.
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 3:08 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • IDK, The older that you get, the less patience you have for the other person. I would take a break. Try to clear your head. Do something that interests you. It's hard to think clear when your head is full of emotions. Wait & see. Everything happens for a reason. I married young and thought I could just blow right by the differences. But the older that I get, the more tired I am of it all. There may be a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow if you just go with your feelings and free yourself. Good Luck.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 3:10 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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