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Has anyone else found that they have trouble making and keeping friends in person? And what do you do to change it?

I do pretty well talking to people online, but in person I get really shy and quiet and just have trouble making friends with people. I live in Tigard Oregon. My husband wants me to go the mall or something by myself to try to meet other mom's to hang out with and go shopping with, but I just am nervous. Have you dealt with these feelings before and how do you get over the nervousness. I am 5 months pregnant also.

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mommatink83

Asked by mommatink83 at 3:00 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (102 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I am the exact same way! In fact I even get nervous on the phone. My throat closes up and my heart beats super fast! I need friends that are socially awkward too:)
    I live all the way in Castle Rock, CO so it would be hard to have a play date LOL:)
    Good luck darling!
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 3:05 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I guess I could sorta say I have this problem... I have friends I just dont give them the time it takes to keep the friendship alive. We keep in touch, but I dont have any friends that I am with all the time. I like to put everything I have into my family. Most of my friends dont have the same priorities as me, so that is something that gets in between our relationships. As for going to the mall and meeting someone I wouldnt say that would be easy, I would be shy too! I am younger than most moms with a child my sons age so it is hard to find things in common with other moms.
    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 3:05 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I've just become so isolated anymore...just my husband and our kids are who I mostly associate with. Some friends/family on facebook but mostly online. I go to the park with my baby or for walks around the trail...I talk to other mom's but I haven't made friends to the point that we hang out together. I really can't give you any advice other then just be yourself when speaking to people and see what happens from there.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 3:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Instead of striking up conversations with random women/moms at the mall, which I think is kind of awkward...I know I'd be wondering what you're up to! LOL I think you would do better meeting moms at your local "Mommy and Me" group which are often held at Churches, YMCA's, Community Centers, and informally at playgrounds.

    You're more likely to meet moms that you share something in common with in attending a group located at a familiar/central location to you. :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 3:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I think the most important thing is be yourself. You can pick and choose who you want to be friends with. I think this would be good for you. Just give yourself a chance you will do fine.
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 3:08 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I find that a lot of people forget that a friendship, like any relationship, needs time and attention. I try to do this. I try to talk with my friends on a regular basis, to help them when I can, to remember their important dates like b-days by sending a card or meeting for dessert .. little things that can help strengthen a bond.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:09 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I used to be this way and found that if I asked questions, showing a real interest in people, I was more at ease. Then I had to get comfortable answering questions too. So, that took some getting used to. You can also practice in front of a mirror asking questions or do some role play with your DH. Since you are pregnant ask at your OB office and your hospital for information on moms groups. You can do this!! Best wishes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Take a look at the bulletin boards in places like grocery stores, community halls, churches, et cetera... look for mom's groups, mom and baby coffee mornings, playgroups, and even groups that are led by 'experts' like La Leche League, or parenting classes (even if you don't think you need them) so you can get to know people whose values match yours, in a reasonably 'non-personal' way, and then you can invite the ones you feel a connection with to your house for coffee, and hope for reciprocation.

    As a general rule of thumb, until you have too many friends to see them all regularly, invite at least 2 people to something every week: coffee, to go for a walk, to meet for tea, to hang out at the playground, to shop for some upcoming event, to plant out the annuals, to make some big batch soup or casseroles or have a canning day or sorting seasonal clothing, or a clothing swap...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:29 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I will have to look into one of those mommy and me groups, I am almost 27 with a 2 yr old, and a 7 year old both boys and the baby on the way is a girl. Thanks for all the advice and it is nice to know that I am not alone.
    mommatink83

    Comment by mommatink83 (original poster) at 3:49 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I'm the same way as well! I joined a moms group in my church. My problem is that I am a young mom. I am 24 with four kids, 6 1/2, 4, 3, and 18 months. I am very self-conscious because most of the moms are older than I am, but at least a few years. I think that you are your own worst critic. If you put yourself out there, you'll make friends eventually!
    SAHMomOf3

    Answer by SAHMomOf3 at 4:04 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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