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Oh, this is just a mess...

Ok, I have an SO whom I've been with for a year, but things just aren't working. They aren't working because I am in love with my ex husband still. My SO obviously doesn't know this and I didn't at first either. People have been suggesting that I go back to my ex and make things work, we only divorced because I got scared and ran away. (I was young)

I also love my SO and we live together, have been building a life together. If I leave my SO I will be heartbroken. If I go back to my Ex, i will be with someone I also love, but i'm not sure that will work out either (I've never been fond of going backwards). My ex does want me back. So, either way, i'm heart broken, no matter who I am with. What in gods name am I supposed to do at this point? Its not fair to my SO to have someone who is holding back...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I wouldn't leave someone who for sure loves you for something that failed once already..

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 3:18 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Well, you're right ... it's not fair to anyone. Anyone. You. The men. Children. Make a decision and stick to it. I hope you'll be happy.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:19 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Sounds like you're just trying to run away from your SO like you ran away from your exhusband. It doesn't sound like to me you're actually looking to go back with your ex, you're just scared of the commitment you're continuing to make. Therefore, you're looking for a way out. Really sit down and be honest with yourself. If you "love" your ex then you wouldn't have left him, but yet you love your SO and you're considering leaving him. Don't you see a pattern here? When things get too far into it you run away to something that makes you feel safer. Whether it's a new guy or an old guy you're only running away from the commitment. Maybe even from something else .. intimacy or otherwise. But you're running away. Stand up for yourself and take responsibility and hold on to what you have. You're running back to your ex, because you know he wants you back and that's comforting. Don't.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:33 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the previous responder. It sounds like you have deeper issues that you need to work on before you can make a decision about who you want to be with.

    Answer by SAHMomOf3 at 4:02 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the other ladies. You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can make a commitment to either guy.  Think about taking some time for yourself without a relationship to distract you and figure out what it is that you want in life that way you aren't hurting anyone while you figure it out.  Good Luck to you.


    Answer by cowboysgirl3227 at 4:09 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • you can't make decisions on what your SO may or may not feel, you need to make decisions on what fulfills YOU. that said, if you ARE concerned about your SO, it's hardly fair to be in a relationship with him out of guilt. all that said, sounds like you don't really know what you want and don't follow through on commitments very well... you keep running away from relationships. probably you should sort that out before you make any decisions and hurt anyone else, including yourself.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:45 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • well of course you would still have feelings for your ex husband cause you have history but no i wouldnt leave my boyfriend for my ex it would hurt him

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 5:54 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • How about you go be on your own for a while?

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 12:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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