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is this wrong?

my mil and mom live a few towns over from us and one town away from each mom drives an hour a day to and from work,and is still willing to drive and meet us half way or come get my dd when she wants to see mil and hubby were talking and we told her about my mom having my dd on saturday night..she threw a "fit", but yet is not willing to drive even half way to get her..she said "well her mother had her twice in a row, i don't think that's fair",..she wants us to drive there to take her and to pick her up it's not that they don't have the money because they do..but i told hubby that i don't want her staying there friday night, for one because i'm paranoid about her two kids who are 7 and 10 because they don't pay attention when they hold her..and another thing is that dd goes for her second round of shots tomorrow and she always has more of the effects the day i wrong to tell him that??

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • no, you're not wrong, but I wouldn't use driving the baby there as an excuse. I would simply talk about her shots and your concern there. You don't have to justify yourself anyways, she's your baby.

    Answer by shannipoo714 at 9:31 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Do what you want to do and keep your mother's visits to yourself. It's not about tit for tat. When you are available, have your dd visit. You are going to have to deal with the 7 and 10 year old handling the baby. Except for supervision while they hold the baby on a couch, I don't think they should be holding her.

    Answer by manna1qd at 9:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • Be honest with your hubby and explain your concerns. He needs to respect your concerns and what's best for his daughter. If it were me, I surely wouldn't send my baby away right after having shots. My kids always reacted bad & we spent many a sleepless night. Also, if she wants to see the baby bad enough, she can make the effort to come pick her up. Would it be easier to invite the in-laws over for an afternoon or for dinner so they can spend some quality time with your daughter? This might be enough to appease the MIL. I never feel obligated to appease my MIL. If we're invited to their house, we go. If we're not, we don't. Your mom makes the effort and is rewarded for her effort. That's very fair. Your MIL is the one who's being unfair & should not be catered to. If she wants fairness, she needs to meet you halfway just like your mom does.


    Answer by OldrWizrMom at 9:41 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • I think you are totally justified in your feelings and if it makes youfeel any better i am just as uncomfortable with my mil. actually i am probably more uncmfortable but that's probably because she hasn't had to deal with a child in 20 or so years and refuses to believe that i know what i am doing with my child in the present day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

  • You are the mom not her. You make the decisions about YOUR baby. Tell your hubby your concerns and let him talk to her not you. Most MIL won't listen to the DIL so he needs to tell her why. Have him use the shots as an excuse, that is an incredibly valid reason for not sending her over there.

    Answer by fmchavez at 12:38 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Oh and I also agree with oldwizrmom. You're mom makes the effort, you MIL just expects to be handed the baby whenever she feels like it.

    Answer by fmchavez at 12:39 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

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